Big Cities vs Rural Areas

Hi, please rate my IELTS essay on a scale from 1-9. Thanks in advance.

There has been a large influx of educated rural residents into the city since the beginning of industrialisation. In fact, it has increasingly been an issue that employers from rural areas are unable to find the right candidates for the job positions they offer as a result of the huge migration from rural areas to the city. There are many factors contributing to the trend, particularly easy access to education and better job opportunities in the city.

A large number of people move from rural areas to the city because they will have easy access to education in the city. The city provides better-quality education for city dwellers, which will help improve their standards of living. Rural residents, on the other hand, often do not have access to education as schools can be extremely far from their homes. Children who live in rural areas and whose family struggles to make ends meet may be discouraged from studying by their parents, so they will have no choice but to look after the family. The vicious cycle of poverty will unlikely be broken until they move to the city.

Besides that, people migrate to the city in search of better job opportunities. People are beginning to realise that it is vital for them to have a good job, so that they will be able to support their family and provide better lifestyle for the next generation. Often times, the city offers the best job positions that cannot otherwise be found in rural areas and the pay is, indubitably, much higher than that in rural areas.

In conclusion, the benefits of living in big cities outweigh those of living in rural areas. The government should create more jobs and open more schools for rural residents, which would serve as incentives for them to continue to live in rural areas.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and a university student in the professor’s office

Hi Leong, I thought you did an excellent job with this essay. Your writing is clear and sounds very natural. You addressed the topic well, but it would have been nice to see one more body paragraph. You have very few errors, but your vocabulary has some room for improvement, and it would have been good to use some synonyms to avoid the constant repetition of “the city”. Still, overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.