Agree or not? Children should study foreign language when they start school

[Ukchoe]

Thank you Mr Luschen for your comment on my previous essay:) I have realized my mistakes thank your help. Here is my second essay with improvements.
Wish you have a nice day:)

                                                WORK

Children need to be equiped with knowedge for their mental and physical growth. And a foreign laguage is an indispensable things that student have to learn. In my opinion, I agree that children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school.

First, children at early stage are really eager to learn. They would find excitement in a strange language that they have never heard before . For this reason, they will try to imitate this sound and get themselves into the habit. For example, children is watching a cartoon movie. They realize that cartoon characters always say “Hello” when they meet each other or say “Goodbye” when they end the meeting. As a result, they will repeat those words they have heard when they encounter a similar situation. So chidren can learn the new language easier by their natural insinct.

Second, nowadays, learning foreign language, especially English, is also a mean of amusement for children. In some learning center, the foreign teachers are modified their lessons to be compatible with children’s age. For example, when teaching students new vocabulary, the teachers will organize a small game involving the apperance of those new word . As a result, students will feel comfortable in learning and they will remember the lesson better.

In conclusion, as I listed above, I believe that learning a foreign language early is appropriate for children because it not only satify children’s curiosity but also an instrumental entertaiment.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on agriculture

[Luschen]

Hi Ukchoe, I enjoyed reading your essay. You did a good job of addressing the prompt and your ideas were convincing. It would have been nice to have one more body paragraph, as your essay seemed a little short. Your writing was clear, but you did have quite a few small errors that made some of your writing sound unnatural. I think this is close to a 4, but not quite there yet.

@Ukchoe

Thank you Mr Luschen for your comment on my previous essay:) I have realized my mistakes thank[s to] your help. Here is my second essay with improvements.
[I ]Wish you have a nice day:) {Or “I hope you have a nice day”}

                                                WORK

Children need to be equiped with knowedge for their mental and physical growth. And {avoid beginning sentences with conjunctions like “and” and “but”} a foreign laguage is an [one of the] indispensable things that student[s ] have to learn. In my opinion, I agree that children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school.

First, children at [an] early stage are really eager to learn. They would find excitement in a strange language that they have never heard before . For this reason, they will try to imitate this sound and get themselves into the habit. {habit of what? a little unclear} For example, [suppose] children is[are] watching a cartoon movie [in a foreign language]. {is this what you mean?} They realize that cartoon characters always say “Hello” when they meet each other or say “Goodbye” when they end the meeting. As a result, they will repeat those words they have heard when they encounter a similar situation. So chidren can learn the new language easier by their natural insinct.

Second, nowadays, learning [a ]foreign language, especially English, is also a mean[s ] of amusement for children. In some learning center[s ], the foreign [language] teachers are modif[ying] their lessons to be compatible with children’s age. For example, when teaching students new vocabulary, the teachers will organize a small game involving the apperance of those new word[s ] . As a result, students will feel comfortable in learning and they will remember the lesson better.

In conclusion, as I listed above, I believe that learning a foreign language early is appropriate for children because it not only satify[satisfies] children’s curiosity but also [serves as] an instrumental{“instrumental” sounds odd here, I don’t think entertainment is generally instrumental} [form of] entertainment.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on agriculture