[agree or disagree] At universities, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

[yachuen]

In our school days, we should not only spend our time on studies, but we should also put more emphasis on sports and social activities, for example, ask the school to donate equal financial support on them.

Many somebodies would encourage graduates that they need to strike the balance between work and play in their graduation ceremony, and so do we, as undergraduate or graduate students.

There are several reasons I want to support my belief. Firstly, sports can release our stress gaining from studies. it is unbelievably overwhelming when we prepared midterm or final exams, and even thesis. Playing sports somewhat makes us more cheerful and we can gain power after sports. Take myself for example, when I feel depressed, I will play basketball with friends, during we play, I can only pay attention to what I do instead of thinking about trivial fuss bothering me. Also, social activities help me in the same way. While I am chatting with them, I can learn different perspective to see things. Sometimes, they will never know that what they said really encourage me to keep going on.

Secondly, sports and social activities train our interpersonal skills in various aspects, such as communication skills, teamwork, and interaction with difficult people. There is the on-going trend for us to have group presentations several times in a semester. If we know how to get along with acquaintances through playing together, for sure, we will gain benefits from them and also train ourselves to become more sociable.

Last, sports and social activities could reduce our dependence on electronic devices, which make us more healthy and do something meaningful rather than waste our precious time to browse online or chat with people through social media in the virtual world but lose the real social ability in the reality.

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I would like to know what scores I will get?
Many thanks!

Jeany from Taiwan.

[Luschen]

Hi Yachuen, welcome to the forum! Your writing is pretty clear and you don’t have that many grammatical mistakes, but I don’t think your essay addresses the prompt directly enough. You have really written an essay on “what are the benefits of sports?” But this is not the actual question. The focus of your essay should be on whether sports and social activities should receive as much financial support as academic facilities like classrooms and libraries. You did not really discuss this financial aspect much at all. It is vitally important to always address the topic as directly as possible, since if you don’t respond correctly it doesn’t matter how well you write. That said, you did have some awkward sounding phrases and a few confusing sentences. Here are some specifics:

@yachuen

In our school days, {this “in our school days” sounds odd, do you mean during the school day or when we are of school age?} we should not only spend our time on studies, but we should also put more emphasis on sports and social activities, [by] for example, [asking] the school to donate equal financial support [to] them. {this introduction is one big thesis statement - it is best to introduce the topic by saying that it is important, explaining why it is important, stating the controversy about the topic, and then finish with your thesis, which explains your opinion about the controversy}

Many somebodies would encourage graduates that they need to strike the balance between work and play in their graduation ceremony, {this is confusing - it sounds like you are talking about having fun during the ceremony - the essay should address the entire university education process} and so do we, as undergraduate or graduate students. {this is confusing, so you are talking on behalf of all students? It is best to give your particular opinion and do not speak on behalf of a group}

There are several reasons I want to [utilize in order to] support my belief. Firstly, sports can release our stress [gained] from studies. it is unbelievably overwhelming when we [prepare for] midterm or final exams, and even [write a] thesis. Playing sports somewhat {putting somewhat here means you are not fully playing sports, only playing them halfway, which doesn’t really make sense} makes us [somewhat] more cheerful and we can gain power after [by participating in] sports. Take myself for example, when I feel depressed, I will play basketball with friends[During our game] we play, I can only pay attention to what I do instead of thinking about [the] trivial fuss bothering me. Also, social activities help me in the same way. While I am chatting with [my teammates], I can learn [a] different perspective to see things. Sometimes, they will never know that what they said really [encouraged] me to keep going on.

Secondly, sports and social activities train our interpersonal skills in various aspects, such as communication skills, teamwork, and interaction with difficult people. There is [an] on-going trend for us to have group presentations several times in a semester. If we know how to get along with acquaintances through playing together, [surely] {“for sure” sounds too informal for this type of essay} we will gain benefits from them and also train ourselves to become more sociable.

Last, sports and social activities could reduce our dependence on electronic devices, which make us more healthy and do {this needs to be more parallel. In “makes us healthy and do something” you are combining an adjective and a verb with “and”, which sounds odd and confusing} something meaningful rather than waste our precious time [browsing] online or [chatting] with people through social media in the virtual world but lose the [practical] social ability in the reality.

[yachuen]

Thank you Luschen,
Your advice is helpful to me, and I will revise the article these days,and then I hope at that time, you would have free time to correct my essay! I appreciate your kind assistance.

[Luschen]

Hi, as a Taiwanese student, are you familiar with this recent controversy?

Students revolt over ‘Taiwan, China’ switch for TOEFL test

[yachuen]

To Luschen,

This is always bothering us a lot.
Recently, there has been an issue of 1992 Consensus coming up again.
Xi Jinping, president of the People’s Republic of China (PRC), he said, “Taiwan must and will be reunited with mainland China one day.”

Here is the article.

Was It Wise for Tsai Ing-wen to Reject the ‘1992 Consensus’ Publicly?

[deandoyle]

From my point, sports at the university in the United States are receiving a huge amount of money. There are numerous football, basketball, and volleyball team across the US. Moreover, there are scholarships for sports students. So such activities are well funded. I would rather spend more money on innovations that can be implemented at colleges.