Agree/Disagree, Teenagers have jobs while they are still students.

[Bbk_Agp]

It will be your kind to read and correct my essay. Thanks beforehand.

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[color=darkred]In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details

Teenage period is a period for learning, playing, and preparing. With doing jobs they would lose such opportunity and future will become dark for them. Teenagers have not to be worry about money and time scheduling. They have to be free to do anything they like. Having fun is one of the most important necessities for this period.

Teenagers must have time and opportunity to learn. They have to study hard and try in this way. They must try for earning opportunities such as entering university and gaining sport clubs. Entering to university or sport club can change one’s life entirely. Losing such opportunity can lead to undesirable consequences. They must be trained for picturing better future for themselves. With having job, teenagers will not have time to study firm, and they may lose their interest for school and study; as a result they may leave school.

To be worry about being on time at job, getting up early in the morning to arrive at time, doing some especial thing for preparing to the job; is not the things that a teenagers should be concern about. A teenager should be calm. Teenagers don’t like to be supervised or punished by somebody other than their own father or mother. Such punishment which can be from jobs supervisor or manager can have some psychological aftermath.

At this period of life, any human beings like to have fun. Doing sports, playing games, going out with friends, have their own enjoyment at this period. Being away from these joys is not bearable. Such persons can be sad ones at their adulthood. They maybe never could enjoy their life as much as their counterpart or they may lose their spirit and become some senseless person.

Doing job can bring us experiences, but it has its own age. Teenage is not an age to be busy with jobs. In this period we have to learn, with studying, playing, going out with our friends, etc. After learning life skills and some job skills we can enter to job market, after earning some knowledge and choosing our own way.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the student talking to the advisor?

[Incoan]

It will be your kind to read and correct my essay. Thanks beforehand.

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[color=darkred]In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students.do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details

Teenage period is a period for learning, playing, and [color=red]preparing (probably studying is better, than preparing. Prepare for what? Not yet specified). With doing jobs they [color=red]would lose such opportunity and future [color=red]will(they should both be would) become dark for them. Teenagers have not to [color=red](no need for be) worry about money and time scheduling. They have to be free to do anything they like. Having fun is one of the most important necessities for this period.

Teenagers must have time and opportunity to learn. They have to study hard and [color=red]try (try is ambiguous here. Either another word would have been better or try something) in this way. They must try for earning opportunities such as entering university and [color=red]entering/going to (not gaining) sport clubs. Entering [color=red](no need for to) university or sport club can change one’s life entirely. Losing such opportunity can lead to undesirable consequences. They must be trained for [color=red]picturing (not sure if it semantically fits) better future for themselves. With having job, teenagers will not have time to study [color=red]firm (firm is used for firm grip, firm stance, not sure if study firm is correct. better : study hard/thoroughly/…), and they may lose their interest for school and study; as a result they may leave school.

To be worry about being on time at job, getting up early in the morning to arrive at time, doing some [color=red]especial (special) thing for preparing to the job; [color=red]is (are) not the things that a teenagers should be [color=red]concern(ed) about. A teenager should be calm. Teenagers don’t like to be supervised or punished by somebody other than their own father or mother. Such punishment which can be from jobs supervisor or manager can have some psychological aftermath.

At this period of life, any human beings like to have fun. Doing sports, playing games, going out with friends, have their own enjoyment at this period. Being away from these joys is not bearable. Such persons can be sad [color=red]ones (once) at their adulthood. They maybe never [color=red]__ (no need for could) enjoy their life as much as their counterpart or they may lose their spirit and become some senseless person.

Doing job can bring us experiences, but [color=red]it has its own age (Doing job does not have age. Use “should be done at another age”). Teenage is not an age to be busy with jobs. In this period we have to learn, with studying, playing, going out with our friends, etc. After learning life skills and some job skills we can enter to job market, after earning some knowledge and choosing our own way.

I’m not correcting everything. In fact, I just correct what I am most sure is wrong.

The ideas flow okay, if I understand the TOEFL standards correctly, which are not very strict.

[Saeede]

HI,

see my Essay the subject is some how different but the ideas are the same.In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while the others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

Some people are thinking the positive aspects of children work such as improvement of children skills when they are growing up. I believe that this is only one side of the coin and that the consequences of the dark side have severe adverse impacts on children life. These includes, growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and forming street children criminal group.
Human beings need to learn essential life skills in the very beginning ages in the most trustful society, which we call it as the family. Although being in bigger society is a good chance to learn better life style, but initial formation of people personality mostly take places at their family as first society. Considering youth to work full time, in some kind of paid jobs, spending their time with strangers, instead of bringing up under their parents support, will ended up in lack of some abilities when they will turn to adults. For example being a good father or mother, being a good husband or wife, being responsible for the children and friend, learning how to trust each other in life are some of important consequences.
The most successful people in the world are likely the most knowledgeable persons. The word knowledge refers to all kinds of awareness and experience in different aspect of people’s occupation. As a simple worker to famous scientists, people spend different time window of their life to learn and train required basic knowledge to be prepared for next step of their life. Needles to say that, schools are the best place to start learning. Whenever young children have to work and in full time manner outside of their educational environment; consequently, they will lose their chance to catch up with their educational programs. For instance, some poor families need to earn more money to afford their expenses, so they have to ask even their young children to do so. In such condition, children have to spend their time, fully at work instead of going to school and to be an educated worker in future.
Practically, people have the better learning ability when they are young; and learn the bad habit as well as good habit. This fact will let some individuals, to abuse the children and teach them different ways of committing the crimes for their benefit. Forming the street children mafia to run the dirty business such as burglars, pickpockets, smugglers and etc is one of the harmful results of letting children to start working at early ages without any supports from their family or concerned organizations.
In summary, keeping children in a safe environment and preventing them to work, will result in having more educated and skillful persons in future; to build a better world to live. To help the better life style, people can start from their own family.

[Bbk_Agp]

Thank you dear Incoan very much for your time. I appreciate that.

Thank you dear saeede for joining to my topic. I will send my opinion about your writing in a minute.

[Bbk_Agp]

HI,

see my Essay the subject is some how different but the ideas are the same.In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while the others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

Some people are thinking the [color=green]think about positive aspects [color=green]sides of children work such as improvement of children skills when they are growing up[color=green]I would write it in this way: … children work. They believe children will have some skills for their future. You know just for breaking the sentence to 2 sentences, for making them small. Long sentences make reader to be tired. It needs more concentration and more energy :D. Consider this point as important one. I believe that this is only one side of the coin and that the consequences of the dark side have severe adverse impacts on children life [color=green]I think in English they always talk about other side of the coin; for example see this sentence:
Making the rules is only part of it. How the rules are carried out is the other side of the coin.
So your sentence can be rewritten as:
I believe they are right, but the consequences of the dark side which has severe adverse impacts on children life is the other side of the coin.

These include[color=green]s [color=green](s is extra), growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and forming street children criminal group [color=green]When you want to mention something as negative or positive side, try to make them all in one group. It makes your essay more parallel. For example if you write sentence like this, it may seem more parallel:
growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and taking part in street children criminal group
I think FORMING have some positive meaning. So it seemed to me wrong. Just personal idea, don’t take it serious ;-).

Human beings need to learn essential life skills in color=green the very beginning ages in the most trustful society, which we call it as the family. Although being in bigger society is a good chance to learn better life style, but initial formation of people personality mostly take places at their family as first society. Considering youth to work full time, in some kind of paid jobs, spending their time with strangers, instead of bringing up [color=green](growing up) under [color=green](with I think is better here; I’m not sure)their parents support, will ended up in lack of some abilities when they will turn to adults. For example [color=green](inability of)being a good father or mother, being a good husband or wife, being responsible for the children and friend, learning how to trust each other in life are some of important consequences.

The most successful people in the world are likely the most knowledgeable persons. The word knowledge refers to all kinds of awareness and experience in different aspect of people’s occupation. As a simple worker to famous scientists, people spend different time window [color=green](I don’t understand this, what’s window’s role here? maybe it’s a direct translation of Farsi :D, I hope my joking won’t bother you. If so, let me know) of their life to learn and train required basic knowledge to be prepared for next step of their life. Needles to say that, schools are the best place to start learning. Whenever young children have to work and in full time manner outside of their educational environment; [color=green]It’s better to say a negative effect then say consequently… )consequently, they will lose their chance to catch up with their educational programs. For instance, some poor families need to earn more money to afford their expenses, so they have to ask even their young children to do so. In such condition, children have to spend their time, fully at work instead of going to school and to be an educated worker in future.
Practically, people have the better learning ability when they are young; and learn the bad habit as well as good habit. This fact will let some individuals, to abuse the children and teach them different ways of committing the crimes for their benefit. Forming the street children mafia to run the dirty business such as burglars, pickpockets, smugglers and etc is one of the harmful results of letting children to start working at early ages without any supports from their family or concerned organizations.
In summary, keeping children in a safe environment and preventing them to work, will result in having more educated and skillful persons in future; to build a better world to live. To help the better life style, people can start from their own family.

[color=green]Keep in mind that long sentences is like a monster

[Saeede]

HI,

see my Essay the subject is some how different but the ideas are the same.In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while the others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

Some people are thinking the [color=green]think about positive aspects [color=green]sides of children work such as improvement of children skills when they are growing up[color=green]I would write it in this way: … children work. They believe children will have some skills for their future. You know just for breaking the sentence to 2 sentences, for making them small. Long sentences make reader to be tired. It needs more concentration and more energy :D. Consider this point as important one. I believe that this is only one side of the coin and that the consequences of the dark side have severe adverse impacts on children life [color=green]I think in English they always talk about other side of the coin; for example see this sentence:
Making the rules is only part of it. How the rules are carried out is the other side of the coin.
So your sentence can be rewritten as:
I believe they are right, but the consequences of the dark side which has severe adverse impacts on children life is the other side of the coin.

These include[color=green]s [color=green](s is extra), growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and forming street children criminal group [color=green]When you want to mention something as negative or positive side, try to make them all in one group. It makes your essay more parallel. For example if you write sentence like this, it may seem more parallel:
growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and taking part in street children criminal group
I think FORMING have some positive meaning. So it seemed to me wrong. Just personal idea, don’t take it serious ;-).

Human beings need to learn essential life skills in color=green the very beginning ages in the most trustful society, which we call it as the family. Although being in bigger society is a good chance to learn better life style, but initial formation of people personality mostly take places at their family as first society. Considering youth to work full time, in some kind of paid jobs, spending their time with strangers, instead of bringing up [color=green](growing up) under [color=green](with I think is better here; I’m not sure)their parents support, will ended up in lack of some abilities when they will turn to adults. For example [color=green](inability of)being a good father or mother, being a good husband or wife, being responsible for the children and friend, learning how to trust each other in life are some of important consequences.

The most successful people in the world are likely the most knowledgeable persons. The word knowledge refers to all kinds of awareness and experience in different aspect of people’s occupation. As a simple worker to famous scientists, people spend different time window [color=green](I don’t understand this, what’s window’s role here? maybe it’s a direct translation of Farsi :D, I hope my joking won’t bother you. If so, let me know) of their life to learn and train required basic knowledge to be prepared for next step of their life. Needles to say that, schools are the best place to start learning. Whenever young children have to work and in full time manner outside of their educational environment; [color=green]It’s better to say a negative effect then say consequently… )consequently, they will lose their chance to catch up with their educational programs. For instance, some poor families need to earn more money to afford their expenses, so they have to ask even their young children to do so. In such condition, children have to spend their time, fully at work instead of going to school and to be an educated worker in future.
Practically, people have the better learning ability when they are young; and learn the bad habit as well as good habit. This fact will let some individuals, to abuse the children and teach them different ways of committing the crimes for their benefit. Forming the street children mafia to run the dirty business such as burglars, pickpockets, smugglers and etc is one of the harmful results of letting children to start working at early ages without any supports from their family or concerned organizations.
In summary, keeping children in a safe environment and preventing them to work, will result in having more educated and skillful persons in future; to build a better world to live. To help the better life style, people can start from their own family.

[color=green]Keep in mind that long sentences is like a monster

Hi,

Thanks a lot to share and spend your time to review my essay. Your point was very helpful, indeed i never noticed these comments before except for long sentence which you already told me

As for meaning of “time window”, it is an [u]English phrase. in Persian we call it “Baze zamani”.

It seems your English is very good. Very Nice to have a such friend.

[Saeede]

HI,

see my Essay the subject is some how different but the ideas are the same.In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while the others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
What are your opinions on this?

Some people are thinking the [color=green]think about positive aspects [color=green]sides of children work such as improvement of children skills when they are growing up[color=green]I would write it in this way: … children work. They believe children will have some skills for their future. You know just for breaking the sentence to 2 sentences, for making them small. Long sentences make reader to be tired. It needs more concentration and more energy :D. Consider this point as important one. I believe that this is only one side of the coin and that the consequences of the dark side have severe adverse impacts on children life [color=green]I think in English they always talk about other side of the coin; for example see this sentence:
Making the rules is only part of it. How the rules are carried out is the other side of the coin.
So your sentence can be rewritten as:
I believe they are right, but the consequences of the dark side which has severe adverse impacts on children life is the other side of the coin.

These include[color=green]s [color=green](s is extra), growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and forming street children criminal group [color=green]When you want to mention something as negative or positive side, try to make them all in one group. It makes your essay more parallel. For example if you write sentence like this, it may seem more parallel:
growing up in an unsafe environment, losing education opportunity, and taking part in street children criminal group
I think FORMING have some positive meaning. So it seemed to me wrong. Just personal idea, don’t take it serious ;-).

Human beings need to learn essential life skills in color=green the very beginning ages in the most trustful society, which we call it as the family. Although being in bigger society is a good chance to learn better life style, but initial formation of people personality mostly take places at their family as first society. Considering youth to work full time, in some kind of paid jobs, spending their time with strangers, instead of bringing up [color=green](growing up) under [color=green](with I think is better here; I’m not sure)their parents support, will ended up in lack of some abilities when they will turn to adults. For example [color=green](inability of)being a good father or mother, being a good husband or wife, being responsible for the children and friend, learning how to trust each other in life are some of important consequences.

The most successful people in the world are likely the most knowledgeable persons. The word knowledge refers to all kinds of awareness and experience in different aspect of people’s occupation. As a simple worker to famous scientists, people spend different time window [color=green](I don’t understand this, what’s window’s role here? maybe it’s a direct translation of Farsi :D, I hope my joking won’t bother you. If so, let me know) of their life to learn and train required basic knowledge to be prepared for next step of their life. Needles to say that, schools are the best place to start learning. Whenever young children have to work and in full time manner outside of their educational environment; [color=green]It’s better to say a negative effect then say consequently… )consequently, they will lose their chance to catch up with their educational programs. For instance, some poor families need to earn more money to afford their expenses, so they have to ask even their young children to do so. In such condition, children have to spend their time, fully at work instead of going to school and to be an educated worker in future.
Practically, people have the better learning ability when they are young; and learn the bad habit as well as good habit. This fact will let some individuals, to abuse the children and teach them different ways of committing the crimes for their benefit. Forming the street children mafia to run the dirty business such as burglars, pickpockets, smugglers and etc is one of the harmful results of letting children to start working at early ages without any supports from their family or concerned organizations.
In summary, keeping children in a safe environment and preventing them to work, will result in having more educated and skillful persons in future; to build a better world to live. To help the better life style, people can start from their own family.

[color=green]Keep in mind that long sentences is like a monster

Hi,

Thanks a lot to share and spend your time to review my essay. Your point was very helpful, indeed i never noticed these comments before except for long sentence which you already told me

As for meaning of “time window”, it is an English phrase. in Persian we call it “Baze zamani”.

It seems your English is very good. Very Nice to have a such friend.

[Beeesneees]

Hi Saeede,
‘time window’ is not an English phrase.
#window of time’ is the correct phrase.

[Saeede]

Thanks! Seems Babak was right…

Please see my essay subjected junk food detrimental if you have spare time. I have to take part in IELTS exam next week.

Cheers,
Saeede

[NguyenTrg]

Incoan and Sadee, really really good work. I am sure that Teacher Kitos will be very very proud of you if he knows your kindness and goodwill towards friends here. He must be glad to know you guys checking others’essays and taking care of each other. On behalf of Kitos, I thank you with all my heart. Happy and success be with you my friends >:D<

Yours sincerely,
Nguyen-Kitos’ henchman.

PS: Sadee, you are supposed to create your own topic. That will make your essays more noticeable. Otherwise, they will be likely missed. And this is also the rules here not to post your essays beneath others