Advertising on young children

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed.

It is undeniable that, today, advertising has a special position both in the view of consumers and the companies. Nowadays, as a result of wide spread advertisements on TV, radio or even on the walls or floor, every one has accustomed to them. But, when it comes to advertising on children, we should be a little more cautious. Many people believe that advertising on young children contributes to irreversible repercussions. I agree with this viewpoint because of a number of reasons.
In the first place, I want to put my finger on the habit of consumerism that advertisements bring for young children. There is a widely held belief among sociologists and psychologists that one's behaviour at adulthood emanates from their childhood development. As a consequence, advertising on children, particularly in the course of ages from two to five years old, can be naturally followed by their consumerism in childhood and adulthood. This is the case that first world countries are now afflicted to and cannot be stopped unless they prevent overwhelming people with the immense amount of advertisings.
Furthermore, distracting young children's attention from what they have seen in the advertising is really difficult. This is mainly because they are not mature enough and cannot distinguish between the pros and cons of an object which is advertised, as a result the advertisings grasp them and their parents cannot persuade them. Take, for instance, the numerous advertisings of snakes. It goes without saying that most of the snakes are void of nutrition  and they are harmful for one's health, but who can prevent a child from eating them when they watch them in a fancy advertising in the TV.
Some may contend that it is not necessary for us to be such strict about advertising on young children, we should just recognize harmful advertising and just hinder them. This perspective, although seems logical at the first glance, have overlooked a major point. What is our criteria for being harmful or not. Who should decide on the harmfulness of an advertisement? In addition, why should an innocent children be considered as a way of gaining profit for companies via advertisement?
To sum up, it is my firm conviction that advertising has many destructive effects on children. As I mentioned in the preceding paragraphs, Some of this effects are long-term and some are short-term.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the university registrar’s office

Hi Farshad, I didn’t think this one was quite as strong as some of your other essays. You addressed the prompt correctly and have some good support, but there were a lot of awkward sounding phrases and some vague or unclear sentences. Also, your last body paragraph lacked a good topic sentence, or at least you didn’t really follow up on it. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.