Hi luschen, would you please tell me your opinion about the structures and format of my Integrated writing of TOEFL?
The professor discusses the advantages of online encyclopedias and how to solve some problems associated with it that the author explains in the reading.
Firstly, the professor explains that both traditional and online encyclopedias have errors but in online we can easily find them and correct them. According to the reading, however, because standard online encyclopedias are written by professional authors, they are free of mistakes.
Secondly, the reading argues that hacking is a weak point in online encyclopedias. Hackers and vandals have opportunities to change, delete and damage online information. In contrast, the speaker mentions two methods which can utilize to avoid hacking online site. Accessing only read format for normal users and hiring an editor who checks the changes and eliminates unnecessary alternations.
Thirdly, the article points out that communal encyclopedias pay too much attention to popular and trivial topics that misleading whatever a topic is important or not. On the other hand, the lecturer explains that duo to limited space for traditional encyclopedias, a group of academics has to decide what should be published. In practice, these decisions may not make people who utilize the information satisfied. But in online system, there is enough space to include both academic articles and popular issues that people are interested in them.
Hi Tafel, I think your writing is pretty good, but there are a couple changes to your format that might help. This question is all about the contrast between the reading and the lecture, so make sure to use strong contrast words. Your intro and first body paragraph did not really do this - you need a stronger word than “however”. Your second and third body paragraphs seemed better though. To me it is more effective to begin each body paragraph with a short description of what the reading says, then go into detail on how the lecturer contradicts that idea. I couldn’t find this toefl question online, but I did find this essay, which is very good, although maybe you don’t need to go into quite this much detail on the reading: nylcenglish.blogspot.com/2013/03 … nline.html Based on this, it looks like you captured all the points from the lecture. Your grammar and usage were pretty good too, with only a few mistakes here and there. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.