Good Afternoon Kitos 
Check it please.
Thank you in advance !
Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people hold the opinion that they achieve success thanks to hard work, and there is nothing about their luck. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement due to the fact that hard work gives rise to new innovations in many different fields, and helps people to achieve promotion at their work.
Nowadays, in this time of high technological progress, there are a great number of novelties which we use in our every-day lives. If people had not worked hard on their projects, but had had only luck, lots of things, such as airplanes, vehicles, trains, would not have been invented in the last century. Those scientists gained their success because of their hard work. For example, Thomas Edison was the man who invented bulb in 19th century and a great number of other things. He was working hard on this project and achieved such a great success. Moreover, later he formed his own Electric Light Company.
Another essential reason why I suppose that people’s success depend on their exhausting work, is that if you are doing your job properly, you will be promoted. All people dream of promotions when they are working in one company or another. Thus, the harder you work the faster you will achieve success in a company. For instance, when I took a job in one of the biggest and well-known bank in my town, I tried to work hard doing lost of duties every day. Furthermore, sometimes I had to be late at work in order to finish some reports. After one year of back-breaking work I got promotion. I believe that this success was concerned with my hard work.
Summing up the all the above reasons, we may safely draw the conclusion that despite the fact that luck can be concerned as a way of achieving success, I strongly believe that if people work hard, their inventions will make an incredible contributions in our lives, and every person will have a chance to be promoted in the work.
TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the student visit the adviser’s office?
Depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, some people hold the opinion that they achieve success thanks to hard work, and their success is nothing to do with luck. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with this statement, due to the fact that hard work gives rise to new innovations in many different fields, and helps people to achieve promotion at their workplace.
Nowadays, in this time of high technological progress, there are a great number of novelties which we use in our everyday lives. If people had not worked hard on their projects, but had had only luck, lots of things, such as aeroplanes, vehicles, trains, would not have been invented in the last century. Those scientists gained their success because of their hard work. For example, Thomas Edison was the man who invented the electric light bulb in the 19th century along with a great number of other things. He was working hard on this project and achieved such a great success. Moreover, later he formed his own Electric Light Company.
Another essential reason why I suppose that people’s success depend on their exhausting work, is that if you are doing your job properly, you will be promoted. All people dream of promotions when they are working in one company or another. Thus, the harder you work, the faster you will achieve success in a company. For instance, when I took a job in one of the biggest and well-known banks in my town, I tried to work hard doing lots of duties every day. Furthermore, sometimes I had to be late at work in order to finish some reports. After one year of back-breaking work I got promoted. I believe that this success was concerned with my hard work.
Summing up all of the above reasons, we may safely draw the conclusion that despite the fact that luck can be considered as a way of achieving success, I strongly believe that if people work hard, their efforts will make an incredible contributions to our lives, and every person will have a chance to be promoted in their jobs.
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Quite good Kate, but a weak, and poorly written conclusion.
Kitos. 8.5/10