Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Hello everyone,
I want to say that I like jokes too and I consider myself a humorous person. Yesterday I saw a little nice joke on the internet and I laughed and I would like to share it with you. It says:
I don’t consider myself an untidy person, I only give my things the chance to stay wherever they want.
Best regards,
Nicu
Jokes in English for the ESL/EFL Classroom
1.A man wanting to borrow another man’s newspaper asks, “Are you finishe(d)?”
The other man replies, “No, I’m Norwegian.”
2.I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was “Hi Jack”, but very loud.
3.A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.
A man came up from behind, and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window and yelled, “Pull over! Pull over!”
The lady yelled back, “No, it’s a sweater!”
4.Two friends meet, and one of them says:“I’ve taught my dog how to speak English!”
“That’s impossible”, says the other man.“Dogs don’t speak!”
“It’s true! I’ll show you.” He turns to his dog, “How’s the situation in England?”
The dog answers: “Rough, rough.”
5.One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
A student asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Tense,” answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused, then continued, “What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter… ?”
I continue on writing my posts so slowly as this snail go away. What to do?
13 Sayings beginning with B
Sayings
1.Bad news travels fast
“Bad news” means news about “bad” things like accidents, death, illness etc. People tend to tell this type of news quickly. But “good news” (passing an exam, winning some money, getting a job etc) travels more slowly.
2.Barking dogs seldom bite
Don’t be afraid of dogs that bark or people that threaten you (say they will do something bad to you) - in both cases they rarely take action.
3.Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Different people see beauty in different ways. What one person finds beautiful may not appeal to another person.
4.Beauty is only skin deep
Physical beauty is superficial. A pleasing exterior is no guide to a person’s interior or character.
5.Behind every successful man is a woman
Many men owe their achievements in life to women.
French says Cheche la femme/Cherchez la femme.
Many men owe their achievements in life to women.
6.Better safe than sorry
We should be careful in a dangerous situation. It is better to stay safe than to have an accident (and be sorry about it). The full “grammatical” sentence would be: “It is better to be safe than to be sorry.”
7,Better the foot slip than the tongue
It is better to take a bad step in walking than to say the wrong thing in talking. We can do a lot of damage when we say something by mistake. The elliptical nature of this saying may make it difficult to understand. The full version might be something like: “It is better that your foot should slip than that your tongue should slip.”
8.Better untaught than ill taught
This proverb drops the verb “to be” (It is better to be untaught than ill taught). We understand: “It is better not to be taught at all than to be taught badly.” It’s better not to learn something than to learn it badly.
9.Beware of a silent man and still water
A large expanse of water that is still and does not move is often deep and dangerous. We should be careful of it. In the same way, we should be careful with a person who does not talk much.
10.Beware the fury of a patient man
The implication is that the anger of people who are normally slow to anger is, when it eventually comes, terrible.
11.Birds of a feather flock together
“Birds of a feather” means “birds of the same type”. The whole proverb means that people of the same type or sort stay together. They don’t mix with people of another type.
12.Boys will be boys
This somewhat humorous saying is often used to excuse male behaviour (of both boys and adult men).
13.Brevity is the soul of wit
The real art of speaking (especially when speaking humorously) is to use as few words as possible.
9:26 pm.The post went through. But I didn’t aware about it only I saw accidentally below my letter that it went through. I risk now my time with this notice-which will go through not immediately but I have to wait again. On the same time when my letter remained in the box where I had written and I received another message:
504 Gateway Time-out. And this is an endless game. My request would be : would you please to control my server. I couldn’t imagine that everybody has to wait for min. one hour that his/her post could go through. Thanks in advance if you help me.
Regards.
Hello Webmaster,
I have to say that this post altogether took me 2 hours to go through. I sent 3 stadiums of this letter to the Proverb thread but I could any remarks that they have been sent.
Later on I saw that the posts arrived to this thread without my adding remarks.
That’s why I sent the forth variation here.
In the corner was written “awaiting server english test-net…”-in Hungarian
How can be correct this unfortunate situation. I have been fagging at about for a month with my every post.
I don’t understand myself why I don’t give up???
Regards.
It’s not your own computer, Kati. Everyone is experiencing the same problem.
No - no-one should shout at me! I know that it isn’t my computer. “Everyone is experiencing the same problem.”
How do you know what I am experiencing. In the next letter I will write to you.
I tip my hat before the person who had to suffer so many and shifty problems than me has to.
Only one I write my letter, but it remains there, where I wrote, in the send-box, and a remark makes privy to me that it happened the 504 or 502 problem. So I try to send again and in this way it go through several times but I knew that it was unable to go through.
It is very complicated to explain even on my mother tongue also.
And you dare to say to me : It’s not your own computer, Kati. Everyone is experiencing the same problem.
I DON’T BELIEVE IT THAT EVERYBODY NEEDS FOR " HOURS TO SEND A LETTER. /OR I DON’T GIVE POSSIBILITY TO GO TO THE FORUM AT ALL [BECAUSE 502/504 ] AND I HAD TO WRITE A PRIVY TO TORSTEN WHO OPENS THE WAY. BUT TO WRITE A PRIVY AT EVERY OCCASION I WOULD SET TORSTEN’S ON EDGE.
This is called the trap of the 22.!!!
You should find out the mistake and not insult one of your colleagues.
Kati
Kati, please calm down. Bev is right, unfortunately the forum has been very unstable for the past couple of weeks and yes, every forum user is experiencing the same kind of problem like you.[YSaerTTEW443543]
TOEIC listening, talks: Car dealer is promoting used cars through a radio commercial[YSaerTTEW443543]
Hello Kati,
I tried to help you by explaining that you weren’t alone in these problems and you accuse me of all sorts of things - including, it seems, ‘shouting’ at you, ‘insulting’ you and lying to you! This isn’t the first time you have reacted like that, so I’ll avoid putting myself in such a position in future.
Hello Bez
Cool down- say to me Torsten.– I try, but there are things which are unforgivable. I don’t know why but you several times you have put me in an awkward position. Sometimes it seems to me that you began to dispute “l’art pour l’art.” I couldn’t enumerate how many times.
1.
You disputed not only with me but - for example not once with Alan also, or a young girl who is in the same age than my grand-daughter.
When she interested in “wanna” etc. The most teachers try to teach the several times when there is a consonant cluster what happens in speaking.
YOU:there is no such word as ‘wanna’. It is a derivation of ‘want to’ and this is the correct written form. The spoken form only sounds like ‘wanna’ because people have a habit of running words together…
I say that there are these words wanna,/gonna/ donna /watcha/D’you etc .only in the colloquial speech and we have to know them very well if we want to get understood ourselves.
#20 (permalink) Wed May 01, 2013 9:33 am HOMOPHONES
- size - sighs
- sacks - sax
- side - sighed
- seize - seas
- semen - seamen
- slay -sleigh
- sack -sac
#21 (permalink) Wed May 01, 2013 10:39 am HOMOPHONES -your answer
2 - not homophones when the second is pronounced correctly and carefully.
- guild - gilled
- greyed - grade
- great -grate
- jeans - genes
- graze - greys
- groan - grown
- guilt -gilt _________________
#29 (permalink) Wed May 01, 2013 12:10 pm HOMOPHONES
Not all are quite homophones if pronounced carefully. Is ‘gell’ a word?
Cheers m’ dears!
3.
My answer:
#41 (permalink) Wed May 01, 2013 13:46 pm HOMOPHONES
Hello Bez,I resolved every test without mistake afterward I copied here . My every test was 100 %. If you don’t understand these homophones please write to the EnglishClub/16 years who wrote these tests and he could answer you why these words are not homophone. I am a learner who resolved these tests, and I would have shared with you. I am very sorry. Only Josef Essberger could answer your objection.
Regards: Kati
So for that you understand 1. FIRST I have to resolve the tests, and 2. if they test are resolved 100% good I can see the solving. (I don’t want show off but for the first attempt my every test was 100 %.)I think Mr. Josef Essberger can justify this because I did them in the same time that I copied to the Forum. Your interjection disturbed me that I didn’t notice that I wrote gell instead of jell. You objected to the pronunciation of
As I asked you this was not me who joined these two words and I ask you to pronounce for us with the correct pronunciation. BUT You never pronounced it. As a teacher you have to show us why these words not homonyms.
When you filled in the test 4. the test can’t be copied you can change between the two thread to copy it. That’s why I made this mistake “gell” but you have to know very well that gell isn’t an English word only jell –so with a little goodwill you should have said “you ‘ve made a typo”-this is your mother tongue what you know as well as what I know my mother tongue.
Last is a small but characteristic correction:
Here again not me was corrected but Josef Essberger - as I copied his text.
11 Sayings beginning with D
Sayings-it had been crossed a with a horizontal line.
Regards.
First about Alan jokes, I did smiled first, because I didn’t know where “Azores” are.
Then, when I finished the story, it is funny.
I love your e-mails I learn new expressions from them.
I am humerous person when I am around my sister and her kids, I feel comfortable, I and they under stand each other, coming from same background and culture.
On the other side, with my co-worker I really don’t always understand all jokes. Because we have all different background, different culture.
I don’t like to smile or laugh if I don’t understand the joke. Once, long time ago when I was at school, someone told a joke, and because everyone laughed, I automatically did smile. Later on I regreted for the joke was not proper, not dicent meaning.
If I don’t understand the joke, I step back, I may ask later what was the meaning.
Sorry, I am conservative!!