Ielts task ii-designing a building

[thuhienvn1998]

Hi Luschen, today I try to write an essay about designing a construction. please review my essay and give me a piece of advice, maybe, can you estimate my band score. Thanks.

THE TOPIC:

When designing a building, the most important factor Is the intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?.

MY ESSAY:

While some people put forward the view that the aesthetic qualities of a house are not as important as its intended use, I think that the two factors have an equally vital role in a house. Therefore, I totally disagree with the first opinion.

On the one hand, the use function of a house should be the primary consideration at the design stage. The reason for this is that the dwelling constructed follow the purpose of users can bring many benefits for their health and experiences in the house. For instance, designing the office where a number of employees work at should focus on a wide variety of factors which can meet the worker’s requirements such as making the suitable light, clear campus and large space. As a result, these officers would feel comfortable during working time, which in turn could better effective productivity.

On the other hand, the design of building to serve a specific function, however, does not mean that their aesthetic qualities should be ignored. The motive which can be put forward to explain the argument is that a wonderful appearance of a house can bring a huge amount of profit for owners, especially those working in the tourism industry. Take museums for example. If buildings have a stunning look and are sophisticatedly decorated, more and more tourists can be attracted by the goods on display. Thus, owners of the museums could gain more admission fee admission through the increasing number of visitors.

In conclusion, building houses following the use of purpose or outside appearance seem to have various disadvantages. Nevertheless, designers need to pay attention to the two aspects.

[Luschen]

Hi Nguyen Thi Thu Hien, welcome to the forum. I think your writing and examples are good, but your thesis is very vague and so your whole essay seems to have a “fuzzy” focus. It seems like your main idea is that a building’s function must come first, but making the appearance nice can provide some monetary benefit. So your thesis should state this. It was unclear to me exactly what your thesis stated, it sounded like you disagree that appearance is not as important as function, but that is not really what your essay argues. I think a better format would be to state in body paragraph 1 that some people seem to focus on appearance and that a pretty building may be easier to sell or attract more visitors, in the case of a museum. But end the paragraph by saying that if a building doesn’t function well, even the prettiest building will be a failure. Then in the second body paragraph state why function is so important. Then in the conclusion reiterate your main points, that appearance may make a building seem nice, but function is the true measure of design success. Also, you cannot use house as a synonym of building. There really aren’t any good synonyms, although you can use “architecture” and “facilities”. Here are some other suggestions:

While some people put forward the view that the aesthetic qualities of a house {you can not really limit the prompt to houses} are not as important as its intended use, I think that the two factors have an equally vital role in a house. [in architectural design] Therefore, I totally disagree with the first opinion. {I would not refer to “the first opinion” - try to make your thesis statement able to stand on its own}

On the one hand, the use function {“use function” is incorrect - maybe “how a building will be used” or just “the function of a house”} of a house should be the primary consideration at the design stage. {In your thesis you stated that you totally disagree that the aesthics are not as important. But here you state the function should be “the primary consideration” - this sounds directly contradictory of your thesis} The reason for this is that [a ]dwelling constructed [to follow] the purpose of users can bring many benefits for their health and experiences in the house. For instance, designing the office {see, you just now said house, but now you give an example of an office, which does not really make sense} where a number of employees work at should focus on a wide variety of factors which can meet the worker’s requirements such as making the suitable light, clear campus and large space. {try to make this clause have a more parallel structure - “such as suitable light, an open campus, and large spaces” or “such as making sure the light is suitable, the campus is clear, and the spaces large”} As a result, these officers [employees] {unfortunately, people who work in offices are not called officers } would feel comfortable during [their] working [hours], which in turn could better effective productivity.

On the other hand, the design of building to serve a specific function, however, {don’t use both “on the other hand” and “however” in the same sentence like this} does not mean that their aesthetic qualities should be ignored. The motive which can be put forward to explain the argument is that a wonderful {“wonderful” sounds a bit odd here - maybe “pleasing” or “unique”} appearance of a house can bring a huge amount of profit for owners, especially those working in the tourism industry. Take museums for example. {once again, a museum is not a type of house} If [a museum’s] buildings have a stunning look and are sophisticatedly decorated, more and more tourists [will] be attracted [to] the [exhibits] {“goods” are usually for purchase} on display. Thus, [the] owners of the museums could gain more admission [fees] admission through the increasing number of visitors.

In conclusion, [creating buildings] houses following the use of purpose or outside appearance seem to have various disadvantages. {this is unclear - do you mean each has their own disadvantages, or that following one but not the other instead of following both will result in disadvantages? It is unclear} Nevertheless, designers need to pay attention to the two aspects. {this conclusion should summarize your essay. Since this is an “agree/disagree” type prompt, your conclusion should also clearly state your opinion}

[thuhienvn1998]

Thank you for your suggestions. it is essential for my improvement:kissing_heart: