Help me mark and comment on this writing task 2 essay, please

Topic: Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My essay:

In modern days, the number of children engaging in bad habits which can be harmful to their health is on the increase. Taking teenagers as an example; game addiction, skipping meals, procrastinating, etc. This status quo is voicing concern about who takes responsibility for interfering and modifying those unhealthy routines. From my point of view, not only parents but also schools and the children themselves are responsible for addressing the problem.
Firstly, in my opinion, family plays a key role in setting the stage for children’s habits. If a family has an unhealthy lifestyle, their children who are vulnerable to negative effects can imitate their parents’ bad habits or actions such as biting the nails, picking the nose and non participation in physical exercises. Parents should take drastic measures to raise their boys and girls awareness about the advantages of good habits, take full care of them and at the same time set a good example for them with direct physical experience.
Secondly, schools also have an important role to play as they are responsible for creating a healthy educational environment, especially for adolescents. Youngsters can be affected by negative impacts from their friends’ bad habits like swearing or not being punctual. To solve that dilemma, the schools need to create a wholesome education environment and shape the mind so that teenagers can grow up to their best manners.
Last but not least, the children themselves must take responsibility for taking care of their health. Sometimes keeping pace with a busy schedule in daily life, being snowed under with deadlines and assignments can form bad habits like skipping breakfasts, staying up late and oversleeping. Teenagers must be self-disciplined to reach a healthy balance between work and self-care. Furthermore, they also must be self-controlled to not be involved in detrimental habits affected by friends or the surrounding environment.
In conclusion, it is commonly opined that paters and teaching centers both are responsible for making a fit lifestyle for adolescents. But my view is that not only parents and schools but also children should be self-aware to manage their habits.

1 Like

Nowadays, the number of children who acquire bad habits that can harm their health is increasing. Take teenagers as an example: gambling addiction, skipping meals, procrastination, etc. This status quo raises the question of who takes responsibility for intervening and changing these unhealthy habits. In my opinion, it is not only the parents, but also the schools and the children themselves who are responsible for addressing the problem.
First, in my opinion, the family plays a key role in setting the stage for children’s habits. If a family maintains an unhealthy lifestyle, their children, who are prone to negative effects, may mimic their parents’ bad habits or actions, such as nail biting, picking their noses, and non-participation in physical exercises. Parents should take drastic measures to make their boys and girls aware of the benefits of good habits and take care of them comprehensively while setting a good example through direct physical experience.
Second, schools also have an important role to play, as they are responsible for creating a healthy educational environment, especially for adolescents. Adolescents can be negatively affected by the bad habits of their friends, such as swearing or being unpunctual. To solve this dilemma, schools must create a healthy educational environment and shape minds so that adolescents can grow up to be their best manners.
Last but not least, children themselves must take responsibility for taking care of their health. When they have to keep up with a busy schedule in their daily lives and are overwhelmed with appointments and chores, bad habits can form, such as skipping breakfast, staying up late and oversleeping. Teens need to be self-disciplined to achieve a healthy balance between work and self-care. They also need to control themselves to avoid getting involved in harmful habits that are influenced by friends or the environment.
In conclusion, both parents and teaching institutions are responsible for teaching young people a healthy lifestyle. However, I believe that not only parents and schools, but also children should be self-confident to control their habits.