Help me mark and comment on this writing task 2 essay, please

Nowadays, the number of children who acquire bad habits that can harm their health is increasing. Take teenagers as an example: gambling addiction, skipping meals, procrastination, etc. This status quo raises the question of who takes responsibility for intervening and changing these unhealthy habits. In my opinion, it is not only the parents, but also the schools and the children themselves who are responsible for addressing the problem.
First, in my opinion, the family plays a key role in setting the stage for children’s habits. If a family maintains an unhealthy lifestyle, their children, who are prone to negative effects, may mimic their parents’ bad habits or actions, such as nail biting, picking their noses, and non-participation in physical exercises. Parents should take drastic measures to make their boys and girls aware of the benefits of good habits and take care of them comprehensively while setting a good example through direct physical experience.
Second, schools also have an important role to play, as they are responsible for creating a healthy educational environment, especially for adolescents. Adolescents can be negatively affected by the bad habits of their friends, such as swearing or being unpunctual. To solve this dilemma, schools must create a healthy educational environment and shape minds so that adolescents can grow up to be their best manners.
Last but not least, children themselves must take responsibility for taking care of their health. When they have to keep up with a busy schedule in their daily lives and are overwhelmed with appointments and chores, bad habits can form, such as skipping breakfast, staying up late and oversleeping. Teens need to be self-disciplined to achieve a healthy balance between work and self-care. They also need to control themselves to avoid getting involved in harmful habits that are influenced by friends or the environment.
In conclusion, both parents and teaching institutions are responsible for teaching young people a healthy lifestyle. However, I believe that not only parents and schools, but also children should be self-confident to control their habits.