1,2, or 3 have basically the same meaning. Any will work, but “you brought this on yourself” is the most common, and sounds the best to me.
“The family says he has brought shame on them.”
In your second example, I don’t think any of the three work well. All three refer to something you did to yourself. In the second example the person is doing it to someone else.
I think the only time you would use “you/he is/are the only one to blame” is when it explicitly refers to one out of multiple people. In this case it’s not idiomatic, it is literal…the only one of many.