Writing under time pressure, pls rate it for me!

Do you agree or disagree: Subjects such as art, music, drama should be a part of every child’s basic education?
Whether subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education has been a controversial debate. Many countries, especially those in Asia emphasize their educational system on teaching the children to calculate, read, write and some oversee others social science subjects while others balance between the social science subjects and natural science. In my opinion, I think such subjects are art, music; drama should be included in the children’s education.
Firstly, social science subjects are those related to our cultures and customs, children should be taught these subjects since they are small. Such subjects like art, drama are parts of our cultures, and people have their own nation, religion. Learning those subjects help the children understand more about their ancestors. For example, I am from a small city which holds the tradition of folk songs. Since I was small I was instructed to the folk songs and learn these songs, therefore, I can tell everyone about my tradition songs.
Secondly, subjects such as art, music, drama should not be excluded from the children’s study because these subjects may help the children to relax after long hours learning how to calculate and write. Furthermore, studying art or music may stimulate the creative ability inside the children. Besides, drama is the subject that requires a lot of work performed by a group, studying drama will help the children develop their team work skills and encourage them to take part in social activities.
Thirdly, these social science subjects enable the children to discover their special ability. Some may find out that he or she is good at painting therefore his or her parents will focus more on that ability.
To sum up, although such subjects are maths, sciences and literature are necessary for every child, they should not taken all the time of the child studying art, music or drama which can help the child to feel relaxed and detect his or her special ability.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Animal Behaviour

Hi Duongandy, I thought you did a good job on this essay. You had a clear structure and correctly addressed the prompt. You had good and detailed examples, apart from your third body paragraph, which I assumed was a bit rushed. Your vocabulary was a bit basic, but you used all of your words correctly, apart from a few minor errors. Your first body paragraph also had a few vague pronouns that somewhat interfered with my comprehension of your ideas. Still, overall I would rate this a 4 out of 5.