Writing topic was, people get married and have children at thirties these days rather than at younger age, do you see a positive or a negative development

[Girish_Jaiswal]

These days a large number of couples decide to have children after spending at least few years since their marriage. According to some experts, there are various reasons which urge parents to have children later in their life. Career, changes in social belief, women empowerment, escalating living expenses, increased life expectancy are some of the major causes of this trend. In my belief advantages of having children later in life outweigh its demerits.

To begin with, people favoring this trend have opinion that there are many positive sides if human beings are tying the knot at older age. Firstly, no doubt people will have sufficient time to settle in their careers. A growing number of parents are very passionate and enthusiastic in terms of career development and their profession. This holds out to be the primary reason they do not expect to have children in early stage of their marriage. It is intuitively obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis, people around the world are constantly worried about their career and job promotions. As a result, parents decide and determine to postpone their first childbirth. Second, women empowerment has changed the old way of life where a woman’s sole responsibility was to look after the children. Since many wives are working these days, they decide to take babies after they reach a stable job position.

Furthermore, social belief regarding giving birth to children has changed dramatically and people are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of babies they have, unlike older generation. Undeniably people who either work or run a business can reach to a stable position before becoming parents.Thus they can take better care of their children which, would have been difficult if they were born earlier. Young parents often lack the knowledge and time they need to properly take care of their children.

In conclusion, despite the pleasure of having a new baby in early years of marriage, parents who decide to have babies later can primarily, readily and precisely focus on their career, can easily fulfill financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle in order to have a stunning, and illuminated future in life.

[Girish_Jaiswal]

Request to have this essay evaluated as per IELTS General standard and grade it.

Thanks All
Regards
Girish Jaiswal

[Luschen]

Hi Girish, I think your essay is pretty good. You have addressed the topic well and given a good argument supporting your ideas. Your writing is generally quite clear, but there are some unnatural and awkward sounding phrases throughout your essay. I think these might keep you from the band 7 level, personally I would expect this to score a 6.5. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Girish_Jaiswal

These days a large number of couples decide to have children after [waiting] at least few years [after] their [wedding]. According to some experts, there are various reasons which urge parents to have children later in their life. Career, changes in social [beliefs], [women’s] empowerment, escalating living expenses, [and] increased life expectancy are some of the major causes of this trend. In my belief[, the] advantages of having children later in life outweigh its demerits. {your whole introduction only talks about having kids at a later age, not at all about getting married at a later age, so this does not really introduce your essay perfectly}

To begin with, people favoring this trend have [the] opinion that there are many positive sides {“positive sides” sounds odd - usually side is singular} if human beings {“human beings” sounds a bit odd here - only use “human beings” when comparing us to animals or talking about biology - “it is ok for dogs to marry early, but for human beings, it is a different matter” } are tying the knot at older age. {so are you talking about getting married at an older age or having children at an older age? Or both? Be more clear} Firstly, no doubt people will have sufficient time to settle [into] their careers. A growing number of parents are very passionate and enthusiastic in terms of career development and their [professions]. This holds out {“holds out” sounds odd here - maybe "tends’} to be the primary reason they do not expect to have children in [the] early stage of their [marriages]. It is intuitively obvious that in this age of huge competition, unemployment and economic crisis, people around the world are constantly worried about their career and job promotions. As a result, parents decide and determine {“decide and determine” seems redundant - I would pick one or the other} to postpone their first childbirth. Second, [women’s] empowerment has changed the old way of life where a woman’s sole responsibility was to look after the children. Since many wives are working these days, they decide to take babies {“take babies” is wrong - “make babies” is not really any better though - try “have babies”} after they reach a stable job position.

Furthermore, social belief regarding giving birth to children {this seems overly wordy and unclear - maybe just “the choice of how many kids to have”} has changed dramatically and people are more concerned about the living expenses than the number of babies they have, unlike [the] older generation. Undeniably[,] people who either work or run a business [want to achieve] a stable position before becoming parents.Thus they can take better care of their children{comma before which, not after} which, would have been difficult if they {you used “they” twice in the sentence, once to refer to the parents, and once to refer to the children - this sounds odd and unclear} were born earlier. Young parents often lack the knowledge and time they need to properly take care of their children. {this is a good idea, but it seems tacked on to the end of the paragraph and not really integrated well into the essay}

In conclusion, despite the pleasure of having a new baby in [the] early years of marriage, parents who decide to have babies later can primarily, readily and precisely {these three adjectives sound a bit awkward to me - I would just say “can more readily focus …”} focus on their career, can easily fulfill financial requirements and have sufficient time to persist, strive and struggle in order to have a stunning, and illuminated future in life. {this last part sounds too flowery - “sufficient time to struggle” sounds especially odd - why not try to reduce the struggle? }