WRITING TASK 2. kindly evaluate, my exam will be next month. Thanks

ielts

#1

please evaluate. Thanks
Q: It has long been believed that attending universities is the only way to secure a god job in our life. Discuss the way university level education helps us to get a good job.

Some people argue that having a tertiary level education is the sole reason of securing an excellent work in the future. This essay will discuss how a college graduate will be benefited in terms of getting a decent job.

Firstly, a finished degree means that you have studied subjects and has mastery in each lesson taken. This means that you are more equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary for the assigned task which could be an edge for any other candidates seeking for a job. Secondly, employers are now keen on employing someone who has a degree compared to those who did not finish their study. They scrutinize job-seekers based on their qualifications and degree. Finally, university develops training and necessary skills to be qualified in a particular job.

Furthermore, teachers from the institution are considered highly qualified to impart experience and knowledge. This is turn will give you background and relevant judgment in partaking your responsibility which could be beneficial in terms of proper handling the problems and making decisions. For example, during your college days, you were given some assigned tasks to be completed in a timely manner and would determine your ability to do the job. They would probably base their judgment whether to hire you or not depending on how you finished the task.

In conclusion, although necessary experience is a requirement to obtain a job, having a college degree is still a pre-requisite in order to get hired and will be able to have a brighter future ahead.


#2

Hi Mitchey, welcome to the forum. Overall, i think you addressed the prompt correctly, but your essay seems to have quite a lot of repetition of ideas and could be better organized. Your second body paragraph seems to be too similar in subject to your first paragraph. I would probably split your two main ideas and discuss one idea in each of the two body paragraphs - so idea 1: college prepares students for success in their career. Here you would include the classes, teachers, lessons and so on that you have discussed.
and idea 2: recruiters are looking for college graduates and some jobs require this. You just barely mentioned this, but some jobs like doctor or lawyer require extensive training that can only come from a college degree. Furthermore, even in jobs where a degree should not really be required, managers often only interview college graduates, so one needs a degree just to “get one’s foot in the door”. Your writing is generally pretty clear, but you do have some errors in grammar and some of your sentences just sound a little awkward, usually because of your word choices. Here are some other suggestions:


#3

Your feedback is highly appreciated. Thank you for taking time to correct my mistakes.
More power!!