Writing task 2, Help me correct it please

The idea that the most beautiful period in one’s life is in university years is an issue which arouses enormous controversy among the general public. Attitudes toward this issue vary greatly. As far as, I am concerned, therefore, ther are many strong arguments for and against the view above.
People in favour of the best time in person’s life points out strong arguments for their position. To begin with, university environment is of essential part in preparing us for a well-rounded life that was in demand for a future life. It can not be dined that university is a good facility for students to gain academic knowledge that is in large libraries with thousands of books, quite spaces and from knowledgeable professors who are mastered in many fields. More interestingly, not only for fun, taking part in voluntary activities is also where student connected and shared learning experience with other people, exchanged cultures and customs and enhanced team work, managing, decision-making skills that enable student to have flexible skills in globalized world nowadays. Indeed, it is of important part, being remarkable and unforgettable in life.
In addition to knowledge, the time of living in university also keeps the most beautiful memories in life. At the age of a student, advanturous trips make it possible them to have happy time together with all classmates. Another reason that convinced me is the living independence starting at university. Before entering school, yoo lived in control of your family and your words may not have any power with your parents. However, everything changed when being a student at university, they gave you more freedom and rights to do what you want and decide on your own.
On the other hand, such an option gives rise to several onjections from a growing number of people. The reason for disagreeing is that the level of stress which a student has to face at every moment. Student life was covered by stress from many dirrection. It is generally thought there is pressure to choose major field of study and ultimately career that will be affect the rest of their lives and daily stress from competitive in classroom.
In addition to stressful environment, most college students discourage financially independence because their expenses may belong to their family for funding, a situation that is open uncomfortable for student or young adult. Moreover, asking for money from parents requires an explanation of why it is needed. Few parents also face with funding problem which comprises of many factors, for example, large family, less salary and many more.
In concluded, university years reflect the best time in one’s life, which once gone, will never come back. It is not only achieving basic knowledge and possessing majestic memories, but also experiencing the first time of living independently, which are the reasons why I strongly believe that studying at university is always the best period that nobody could easily forget.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which characteristic of Ireland does the professor utilize in his lecture?

Hi, your arguments are very good and you have a lot of examples. Your body paragraphs are ok, but often veer away from your main points. I did not really like your introduction at all - see my notes. You chose to write much of your body paragraphs in past tense, which I don’t think really worked for this essay - I would stick to present tense. You have a lot of grammar mistakes and awkward sentences. Large parts of the essay just sounded unnatural. Overall, I would rate this a 3 out of 5.

Dear Luschen,

Thank you for your help. I will try more in next times.