Writing Task 2 - City

[thaodang119]

Hi leaders, please help me check this essay. Thank you
Some people think that it is best to live in a horizontal city while others think of a vertical city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Making a choice between living in the metropolis with a cluster of skyscrapers and in the countryside with large gardens has been a heated topic for controversy. While many assume that residing in a vertical city is a wise decision, I would contend that dwelling in a horizontal one is better because it positively influences the residents’ health.

Advocates of inhabiting in a vertical place may argue that the quality of citizen’s living could be improved considerably. Perhaps most of the urban people occupy the state-of-the-art skyscrapers which are integrated various functions such as school, residence, and recreation into the same building, hence the residents are able to live and entertain at their place of living without having to travel far from home. This could not only make their life more comfortable and convenient but also reduce the air pollution caused by the traffic emission.

On the other hand, I believe that settling in rural areas with low buildings might contribute to disease prevention and mental health enhancement. To begin with, by enjoying the pure atmosphere, people who live in a horizontal city could minimize the risk of respiratory-related diseases such as lung cancer. Also, by means of inhabiting to the private house, homeowners get the great chances to access the natural environment. This allows them to gain green exercise such as walking, riding that make them happier and less fatigued and angry; as a result, they are less likely to suffer from psychological stress.

In conclusion, although living in a vertical city brings immense advantages to the resident’s life, it seems to me that residing in a horizontal city is the better choice.

[Luschen]

Hi Nancy, I think you did a pretty good job in this essay of clarifying exactly how you perceive “vertical and horizontal cities”, which is probably the trickiest part of this question. Your support for both viewpoints is valid and well supported.
I think you main problem is that you did not put enough stress or support for your personal opinion. This is one third of the prompt and so deserves more than a short sentence. At least you could summarize the particular reasons for why you hold your opinion. Here are some other comments:

@thaodang119

Making a choice between living in the metropolis with a cluster of skyscrapers [or] in the countryside [surrounded] with large gardens has been a heated topic [of] controversy. While many assume that residing in a vertical city is a wise decision, I would contend that dwelling in a horizontal one is better because it positively influences the residents’ health. {I like how you defined what “vertical” and “horizontal city” means to you}

Advocates of inhabiting in a vertical place [with tall apartment blocks] {still it is good to continually refine what you mean by horizontal and vertical} may argue that the quality of citizen’s living could be improved considerably [by this residential style]. Perhaps {this sounded odd - why are you not sure?} [In modern metropolises,] most of the urban people occupy the state-of-the-art skyscrapers which [have] integrated various functions such as school, residence, and recreation into the same building, hence the residents are able to live and entertain at their place of living without having to travel far from home. This could not only make their life more comfortable and convenient but also reduce the air pollution caused by the traffic [emissions]. {I think you have to go one step further and explain why this is the case, that having all functions in one place eliminates the need to commute back and forth}

On the other hand, I believe that settling in rural areas with low buildings might contribute to disease prevention and mental health enhancement. To begin with, by enjoying the pure atmosphere, people who live in a horizontal city could minimize the risk of respiratory-related diseases such as lung cancer. Also, by means of inhabiting [their own] private house, homeowners get the great chances to access the natural environment. This allows them to gain green exercise {“green exercise” sounds odd} such as walking[ and] riding {“riding” alone is too ambiguous - horseback riding? bicycle riding?} that make them happier and less fatigued and angry; as a result, they are less likely to suffer from psychological stress.

In conclusion, although living in a vertical city brings immense advantages to the resident’s life, it seems to me that residing in a horizontal city is the better choice. {it is best if you summarize the specific reasons for why you hold your opinion}