HI, I am going to take FCE exam from University of Cambridge .Would you please check my story?. Thank you very much
Here is the title : Your teacher has asked you to write a story for an international magazine. The story must begin with the following words:
Paula and Jacky had been cycling in the hills for an hour when they suddenly saw that their path was blocked by a huge fallen tree.
Paula and Jacky had been cycling in the hills for an hour when they suddenly saw that their path was blocked by a huge fallen tree. They stopped and wondered what was happening . The ground was covered with many branches of trees. They thought of an illegal action in this area.
As soon as they stopped, a man in a dungarees walked towards them and asked angrily “ Could you please stay away from here?” . Paula and Jacky felt really fear, and they kept silent.
A lorry full of old and young trees was slowly passing them. Paula said to Jacky "Should we follow them?”. After a little hesitation, this couple decided to run after . They tried to chase with the hope to stop the deforestation which was occurring in front of them. However ,they couldn’t succeed. Finally , they called the police, and the driver was arrested. Paula and Jacky felt very content because they had done a significant thing for the nature.
Hi, I enjoyed reading your story - it is a welcome change from the standard essays. There were a few loose ends in your story. What happened to the man in the dungarees? How did the girls overcome their fear? They stop in the middle of the road, but a truck somehow manages to pass them and is not stopped by the “huge fallen tree” blocking the road. They are cycling, yet they “run” after the truck. Why not ride? And they just left their bikes behind? With all these questions, I just couldn’t get a clear picture in my head of exactly what was happening. Your grammar is pretty good, though a few of your sentences did not really convey what you were trying to convey.