Would plz score my essay? ;) ;)

You have been asked to suggest improvements to a park ,a national park, regional park or a city park.What do you suggest? why?

Parks has always been comfortable,interesting places, in which children,young people,and elder people spend their afternoons or mornings. Surely the scene and the parks view really affect people’s opinion and feeling about a park. As far as I’m concerned, government and municipality have to build such places and accomodate them to attract young people and children. So I think it will be great, if they try to have a routine service for cleaning the park, plan to decorate the park and to add some facilities.

First of all, a clean park will definitely impress people. If a park is dirty ,no one will be eagered to come to this park because every one goes to park to relax and to be a way from all of stresses that life has put on him or her. Forexample the trafic the polluted weather and so on. So parks must be clean to help people feel comfort and breath fresh oxygen.

Alternatively, people will enjoy a beautiful parks with several plants and trees more. I certainly bielve a budget must be allocated to plans,decorating the park and growing flowers and trees. Flowers of course make the park beautiful and colorful. Trees produce oxygen, making the environment fresh and oxygen energize people. Additionally, ornamenting a park with some statues or some modern pieces of art, will impress several artists and those who admire art, so more people will be attracted , and the park will soon be famous.

Finally, every park must has certain features and facilities. Expanding the park ,if there is free space near it, is another good plan. In addition to it, building cafes or fast foods are really effective in attracting more people; moreover, adding some instruments for sport, like those that are in gyms, and places for playing some sports such as basketball and tennis, are other convenience plans that government should consider.

All in all, according to all of these suggestions, a normal park can be developped to wonderful place with more care and with more budget. Government by creating these places and making them comfortable and amusing, not only will benefit, but also brings a healthy place for young people to gather and spend their time.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and a professor in the professor’s office

Hi, your essay is very good, apart from some minor errors. Your overall structure is very effective and you have some good, specific and relevant examples. Your minor errors do add up though and reduce the effectiveness of your writing. Still, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

so what should I say instead of “several artists”?

in dictionary “convenient” means :suitable,affording accommodation,proper
So a convenient plan is a suitable plan. Why do you think these plans are not convenient and suitable?

Well, exactly who were you referring to as the “several artists”? Are these artists in the community who come to the park for inspiration? Or landscape artists who will be impressed by the design of the park?

“Convenient” is tough word - I see it much much more often here than I do in writing by native English speakers. “A convenient plan” to me means a plan that just happens to be laying around and is easy to implement. This is how I answered a similar question in another thread:

Jeofergin wrote:
H , i’m sure this topic will be beneficial . Can you mention some words which are both convenient for most topic and also advanced ?

Hi Jeofergin, your post reminded me of another topic I wanted to address. In my opinion, TOEFL essays use the word “convenient” far too often. In my mind, convenient’s main meaning is to describe something physical which saves us time and makes our life easier - a nearby bus stop, a microwave oven, a fast food restaurant.

But for some reason, TOEFL writers are always using convenient in ways which sound odd to my native ear:

“words which are convenient for essays” - “useful” or “appropriate” would be better

“people move to cities for a more convenient life” - “easier” or “fulfilling” would be better

“Buying a car can help us be more convenient in moving.” - convenient is ok here, say “Buying a car can make our travel or commuting more convenient.”

“universities are more convenient than the private universities” - “cheaper” or “more affordable”

training machines which are convenient and safe - “effective”

it is likely that you have a rather ordinary and convenient life - “stress free”

There is no doubt that convenient conditions brought us by technology today - “productive”

I will avoid multiple financial problems and have a more convenient life thanks to my high salary - “fulfilling” or “stress free”

Convenient is usually ok for these situations, but is rarely the best word. Once again, this may be where English learners use a “utility word” instead of using the best word.