Work writing task 2

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones for the same jobs. What problems can this creat. What are some solutions?
My topic is: It is true that fierce competition in the job market between senior people and their younger counterparts has become an increasingly widespread concern. Several serious problems are resulted from this phenomenon and should be tackled by feasible solutions from both individuals and the government.
There are two underlying negative consequences facing the older generations when competing with the young ones. Firstly, due to age discrimination, it is a task of challenge for senior people to seek the same positions as younger candidates. For example, old job seekers find it challenging to compete with young people in certain fields that require great versatility and creativity like sales or marketing. As a result, they would become unemployed, which would prevent them from meeting basic human needs. Secondly, it is no wonder that senior employees might be under strong pressure, stemming from the fact that their young colleagues seem to be more creative and adaptable to changes and unforeseen circumstances at the workplace than them. This may lead to both physical and psychological problems such as hearting diseases and depression.
Due to the seriousness of such issues, both the government and individuals should take steps immediately to address this problem. The first solution is that the Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 should be applied in all big companies and enterprises, which would help employees who are more 40 years old have countless opportunities of finding favorable jobs. In turn, they can earn a living and guarantee their basic living standard. On an individual level, by attending training courses, older workers could update their skills and accumulate knowledge to improvise new and difficult circumstances more effectively. Moreover, job-share should be encouraged in big companies to reduce pressure and stress for older employees. In other words, if these old people could be given a hand from young colleagues when struggling with a heavy workload and unanticipated changes in the working environment, they will gain confidence and improve their work performance.
In conclusion, there are two main problems of increasing rivalry between the old and young in the job market and appropriate solutions need to be taken to tackle these problems not only by the government but also individuals.

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Hi Th Bui. Your essay is good, but a lot of your argument revolves around the unstated assumption that older job seekers are less creative and flexible than younger ones. This may be true, but I think you have to state this and give some evidence, because without it, your essay seems to be lacking a firm foundation. Besides that, you have addressed the prompt correctly and written a good “two-part” essay, covering both the problems and the solutions. You have done a pretty good job with your synonyms for “older employees”, but some terms like “senior people” do not seem very natural. Here are some additional suggestions:

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