Why are movies so popular?

[Lemin1991]

Please, help me correct this one, my next essay, thank you guys in advance ^^

Topic: Why are movies popular?

In the last decades, world cinema has produced numerous legendary and full-of humanity films that bring us new experiences, valuable lessons, and emotional moments. Far from just being an ordinary part in the entertainment system, it is now playing such a crucial role as a mentor in everyone’s life, especially that of mine. In my opinion, movies are so well-liked because it helps us develop skills and expand knowledge.

The first reason I would like to state is that I can achieve real-life experiences through assumed situations in movies. I usually wonder aloud what I will do if the situations that I am not likely to imagine happen to me. Never before have I had such capacity to control my own environment, to end thirst and hunger in a strange jungle, or just to protect myself from kidnappers. It is hard to find someone to ask advice how to deal with the situations. That is the reason why I should turn my eyes to movies in the hope that it would provide me some. For example, the movie “Panic Room” has taught me how to confront with aggressive thieves at the middle night. The film brings me self-confidence in making brave decisions of how to protect my family and escape from thieves without any weapon even though a knife. As a result, I myself, now, can hold the belief that I have enough experiences to overcome the dangerous situation caused by thieves.

The second reason for my choice is that movies provide me with a huge amount of information about other cultures throughout the world. With such knowledge as customs and habits that I am not able to derive from anything else, I might hold no fear when deciding to travel to other countries. For instance, without watching movies, I may not know the Indonesian only use left hand to give and receive something from others, or the Japanese says “ganbare”- it means “try your best”, in order to encourage their friends. Therefore, movies absolutely alleviate my worry about the way to adapt well with foreigners.

In conclusion, movies have been offering me a great deal of precious lessons about real life, which start me on the fruitful path to success in the not-too-distant future.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?

[Luschen]

Hi, I think this is a pretty good essay. Your introduction is quite good. You have a few sentences where you are overly wordy and a few awkward or unclear phrases. There are also some various grammatical and verb tense errors. Overall, i would rate this essay a 4 out of 5.

@Lemin1991

Please, help me correct this one, my next essay, thank you guys in advance ^^

Topic: Why are movies popular?

In the last [few] decades, world cinema has produced numerous legendary and full-of humanity{“full of humanity” sounds very odd} films that bring us new experiences, valuable lessons, and emotional moments. Far from just being an ordinary part in[of] the entertainment system, it is now playing such a crucial role as a mentor in everyone’s life, especially that of mine. In my opinion, movies are so well-liked because it helps [they help] us develop skills and expand knowledge.

The first reason I would like to state is that[First,]{be more concise} I[one] {at least for the topic sentence, use third person} can achieve real-life experiences through assumed situations in movies. I usually wonder aloud what I will[would] do if the [hard to imagine] situations that I am not likely to imagine happen to me. Never before have I had such capacity to control my own environment, to end thirst and hunger in a strange jungle, or just to protect myself from kidnappers.{this sentence sounds a little awkward} It is hard to find someone to ask advice [on] how to deal with the situations. That is the reason why I should turn my eyes to movies in the hope that it would provide me some [guidance]. For example, the movie “Panic Room” has taught me how to confront with aggressive thieves at the middle night. The film brings me self-confidence in making brave decisions of how to protect my family and escape from thieves without any weapon even though[except] a knife. As a result, I myself, now, can hold the belief that I have enough experiences to overcome the dangerous situation caused by thieves. {yes, but just because you “hold the belief” does not mean it is true }

The second reason for [the importance of cinema] my choice{don’t say “my choice” - restate your choice} is that movies provide me[us] with a huge amount of information about other cultures throughout the world. With such knowledge as customs and habits that I am not able to derive from anything else, I might hold no [will have no] fear when deciding to travel to other countries. For instance, without watching movies, I may not know the Indonesian[s ] only use [their] left hand to give and receive something from others, or [that] the Japanese says “ganbare”-{comma, not hyphen} it means “try your best”, in order to encourage their friends. Therefore, movies absolutely alleviate my worry about the way to adapt well with foreigners.

In conclusion, movies have been offering me a great deal of precious lessons about real life, which start me on the fruitful path to success in the not-too-distant future.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?

[Lemin1991]

Hi Luschen, could you show me the sentences where I am overly wordy?

[Luschen]

Hi, it was mainly this sentence:

The first reason I would like to state is that I can achieve real-life experiences through assumed situations in movies.

Which is more concise as:

First, I can achieve real-life experiences through assumed situations in movies.

Then there were a few sentences where you added in extra words here and there which don’t really add to the meaning. For example, I would rewrite this:

Far from just being an ordinary part in the entertainment system, it is now playing such a crucial role as a mentor in everyone’s life, especially that of mine.

as this:

Far from just being an ordinary part in the entertainment system, it now plays a crucial role as a mentor in everyone’s life, especially mine.

and rewrite this:

The film brings me self-confidence in making brave decisions of how to protect my family and escape from thieves without any weapon even though a knife.

as this:

The film gives me the self confidence to make brave decisions in protecting my family and escaping from thieves with no weapon but a knife.