Which would you choose?

[Vuqar1.618]

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

It is clear that people should earn some money in order survive. Unfortunately some prefer to earn sheer numbers of money even though they get little time to share with their family. From my point of view, it would be better to gain low wage providing that offering more time to spend with family.

For a start, we can purchase many things with money but we cannot buy fortune for the family. To put it another way, money is nothing except a piece of paper and we should not rely on that. We should concentrate more on cheering our family up and money has little to do with the happiness of family. For instance, a friend of my father implements business. He makes an untold number of money but the problem is that he travels a lot within countries because his job requires it. Logically, he rarely sees his family. His parents do not seem to be happy. So do you think his family deserves it?

Secondly, it is no doubt having well-bred children is the wish of every parent. But in order to achieve it parents should allocate more time for their children. Otherwise parents may face serious troubles. For example, the cousin of my father is very rich. He is a merchant and earns a lot of money. He spends most of his time to transporting goods. He has not leisure for sharing with his family. His son is sixteen years old but believe it or not he acts as if he is a child. The main problem is that his parents spend less time to foster their children and they do not direct him. As a corollary, their son became unconcerned and in order to improve him parents encounter with some difficulties.

To sum up, before making a lot of money people should take their children into account. It is said that parents our first teachers. Parents should instruct their children otherwise the future of their children is under question.

Words: 374
Time: 30

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought this essay was very good. You have addressed the prompt very well in this one and you have some good pertinent examples. Your grammar is not too bad, although you have a few phrases which could be stated a bit better. Try to use conjunctions and transitions to make your sentences a bit more complex. I think I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Vuqar1.618

Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

It is clear that people should earn some money in order [to] survive. Unfortunately some prefer to earn sheer numbers {“sheer numbers” is not really correct here - you would use it to compare quality vs quantity, but there is really no “higher quality” money and besides, money is uncountable, so you would say “amount” of money, not “number of money”} of money even though they get little time to share with their family. From my point of view, it would be better to gain [a job with a] low wage {the wage would not offer more time, the job behind the wage would} providing that [it offers] offering more time to spend with family.

For a start, we can purchase many things with money but we cannot buy fortune for the family. {I know what you are trying to say, but this isn’t quite right - “… but even a fortune cannot purchase a happy family”} To put it another way, money is nothing except a piece of paper and we should not rely on that. We should concentrate more on cheering our family up and money has little to do with the happiness of [our] family. For instance, a friend of my father implements business {“implements” is not the best verb here - I would say “founds new businesses”} . He makes an untold number [amount] of money but the problem is that he travels a lot within[between] countries because his job requires it. Logically, he rarely sees his family. His parents do not seem to be happy. So do you think his family deserves it? {deserves what? the money or this treatment? this is a bit unclear to me}

Secondly, it[there] is no doubt [that] having well-bred children is the wish of every parent. But in order to achieve it parents should allocate more time for their children. Otherwise parents may face serious troubles. For example, the cousin of my father is very rich. He is a merchant and earns a lot of money. He spends most of his time to transporting goods. {try to combine these short sentences into longer ones using transition words: For example, the cousin of my father is very rich, having earned a lot of money in his job as a merchant. He spends most of his time transporting goods, so he had little leisure time to spend with his family.} He has not leisure for sharing with his family. His son is sixteen years old but believe it or not he acts as if he is a [little] child. {here in the US, a 16 year old would still be considered a child} The main problem is that his parents spend less time to foster {“spend little time fostering” is better - use less when you are comparing two times} their children and they do not direct him. As a corollary{“consequence” is better here}, their son became unconcerned and in order to improve him [his] parents [have] encounter[ed] with some difficulties. {this sentence still sounds a bit unnatural}

To sum up, before making a lot of money people should take their children into account. It is said that parents [are] our first teachers. Parents should instruct their children{comma} otherwise the future of their children is under question.

Words: 374
Time: 30

TOEFL listening lectures: Which country was not an important cotton grower in the 19th century?

[Vuqar1.618]

Hello Luschen. I should confess that I have finished easy topics except difficult ones. So I have difficulties writing such topics.