What makes a good friend ??? ------please check my essay-----

[Relina]

WHAT MAKES A GOOD FRIEND
‘’Friend in need is a friend indeed’’ a popular saying which signifies the quality of being honest ,loyal, and supportive .However, is this what makes a good friend only ?Are there any imperative qualities which anyone dreams to be in his/her friend ???

     To my mind, a genuine friend is half the person himself. As a result, he/she must be sharing anything  with you, although,  it may seems  trivial  to the others . For example , shopping together ,playing a sport ,studying or working together . Consequently, the  life journey will pass much more smoothly with a person accompanying you in what you do .In addition to this, kindness and sensitivity are both extremely precious qualities for the friendship. Having a friend who shares your happiness and sorrow , is just a bless from God.
    
       Furthermore , a friend who listens sympathetically  to you not only by ears but also by every aorta in his heart ,while keeping all of what you said locked in his/her heart is worth trusting . Therefore a true friend ,probably, can be closer to  you than anyone even if it is your family.
    
       All in all , the definitions of a good friend are endless .Nevertheless , it is widely accepted that he/she is the person who devotes you ,without waiting for anything in return.

please check my essay and identify my weak points which I need to improve

TOEFL listening lectures: Why is Carlos Finlay significant?

[Luschen]

Hi Relina, you writing is pretty good. You do not have the correct structure for a TOEFL essay though. This webpage has some good information on organizing a good essay: bookrags.com/articles/4.html
Your essay is also too short, but having the correct structure should help that problem. Your grammar and vocabulary are also pretty good, so you are well on your way to writing excellent essays. I really liked your phrase, similar to “I love you with every aorta of my heart” - I know you were not trying to be funny, but that really made me chuckle.

@Relina

WHAT MAKES A GOOD FRIEND
‘’Friend in need is a friend indeed’’ a popular saying which signifies the quality of being honest ,loyal, and supportive .However, is this what makes a good friend only ?Are there any imperative qualities which anyone dreams to be in his/her friend ???

     To my mind, a genuine friend [forms one's better half][s] is half the person himself[/s]. As a result, he/she must [s]be[/s] shar[e] anything  with you,[s] although[/s], [even though]  it may seem[s]s[/s]  trivial  to the others . For example , shopping together ,playing a sport ,studying or working together . Consequently, the  life journey will pass much more smoothly with a person accompanying you in what you do {this sounds a bit unnatural} .In addition to this, kindness and sensitivity are both extremely precious qualities for the friendship. Having a friend who shares your happiness and sorrow , is just a bless[ing] from God.
    
       Furthermore , a friend who listens sympathetically  to you not only [s]by[/s][with his] ears but also by every aorta in his heart {"every aorta is his heart" is very odd - I am laughing a little here - especially since you only have one aorta} ,while keeping all of what you said locked in his/her heart is worth trusting . Therefore a true friend ,{no comma}probably,{no comma} can be closer to  you than anyone {comma} even if it is your family.
    
       All in all , the definitions of a good friend are endless .Nevertheless , it is widely accepted that he/she is the person who [is] devote[d to] you ,without waiting for anything in return.

please check my essay and identify my weak points which I need to improve

TOEFL listening lectures: Why is Carlos Finlay significant?

[Relina]

@Luschen

Hi Relina, you writing is pretty good. You do not have the correct structure for a TOEFL essay though. This webpage has some good information on organizing a good essay: bookrags.com/articles/4.html
Your essay is also too short, but having the correct structure should help that problem. Your grammar and vocabulary are also pretty good, so you are well on your way to writing excellent essays. I really liked your phrase, similar to “I love you with every aorta of my heart” - I know you were not trying to be funny, but that really made me chuckle.

@Relina

WHAT MAKES A GOOD FRIEND
‘’Friend in need is a friend indeed’’ a popular saying which signifies the quality of being honest ,loyal, and supportive .However, is this what makes a good friend only ?Are there any imperative qualities which anyone dreams to be in his/her friend ???

     To my mind, a genuine friend [forms one's better half][s] is half the person himself[/s]. As a result, he/she must [s]be[/s] shar[e] anything  with you,[s] although[/s], [even though]  it may seem[s]s[/s]  trivial  to the others . For example , shopping together ,playing a sport ,studying or working together . Consequently, the  life journey will pass much more smoothly with a person accompanying you in what you do {this sounds a bit unnatural} .In addition to this, kindness and sensitivity are both extremely precious qualities for the friendship. Having a friend who shares your happiness and sorrow , is just a bless[ing] from God.
    
       Furthermore , a friend who listens sympathetically  to you not only [s]by[/s][with his] ears but also by every aorta in his heart {"every aorta is his heart" is very odd - I am laughing a little here - especially since you only have one aorta} ,while keeping all of what you said locked in his/her heart is worth trusting . Therefore a true friend ,{no comma}probably,{no comma} can be closer to  you than anyone {comma} even if it is your family.
    
       All in all , the definitions of a good friend are endless .Nevertheless , it is widely accepted that he/she is the person who [is] devote[d to] you ,without waiting for anything in return.

please check my essay and identify my weak points which I need to improve

TOEFL listening lectures: Why is Carlos Finlay significant?

thank you very much Mr.Luschen .
well, for that aorta I think it would be better to say arterioles, right ??

[Luschen]

Hi, I guess arterioles would be more logical, but it would still sound very strange to me. We just usually don’t mix biology and emotion like that. If you said, “but also with every beat of his heart” it would be better.

[Relina]

Hi, I guess arterioles would be more logical, but it would still sound very strange to me. We just usually don’t mix biology and emotion like that. If you said, “but also with every beat of his heart” it would be better.

yes that way much better than mine
Thank you