“What has been overrated by our community?"

Thank Kitosdad for your two previous correction.
Please you grade my third essay. Thanks a lot!

Different people have different thoughts about what has been overrated. From my observation, I think young Vietnamese people, especially generations born in 1900s, are placing a high value on their appearance. Personally, I definitely believe that this is wrong because of some following reasons.

Fist of all, overrating one’s appearance makes young people spend a lot of their time and money on making up. Take a guy living near my house for an example. His father is an extremely successful businessman. Everyday, the father steadily gives him a big allowance without caring of how he uses this money. Then, he uncontrollably uses this money for going shopping, buying new-fashioned clothes instead of spending this money on his study. His updated and luxurious clothes only make his appearance bright and good-looking but do not fill up his “empty”/”solid” mind. Besides, embellishing of appearance also wastes young people many hours per day. They squander/misspent/dissipate their time by hunting unique shoes, jeweler and standing in front of mirrors for a long time to make up.

Secondly, appearance of people has nothing to do with their own real values/abilities. Speaking of Vietnamese community, Vietnamese always respect people who are gifted and contribute their efforts to the nation’s development/modernization rather than notice eye-catching people. For example, these days, via internet and television, we know that professor Ngo Bao Chau has achieved Fiels price which approximates to Nobel price. Both Vietnamese government and all Vietnamese citizens are glad and proud of his success. That is a strong evident supporting my opinion above: only when we have real contributions to the society, will we be admired by people around. Our appearance will be a big zero in people’s eyes/sight if we are lazy, ungifted students/residents who only ask their parents for money/enjoy parents’ fortune, or even stole money from others.

In conclusion, overrating one’s appearance is not morally right point of view. Sadly, this has drilled into a few Vietnamese young people’s mind and has formed a negative tendency in our community. The young people should know that there are a variety of useful campaigns ranging Green Summer, Red Cross, which are waiting for their efforts. Obviously, these operations are meaningful than pursuing fashion waves. Besides, families, schools and Vietnamese society should together educate young students having proper living attitude.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in biology class

Thank Kitosdad for your two previous correction.
Please you grade my third essay. Thanks a lot!

Different people have different thoughts about what has been overrated. From my observation, I think young Vietnamese people, especially generations born in 1900s, are placing TOO high A value on their appearanceS. Personally, I definitely believe that this is wrong because of some following reasons.

Fist of all, overrating one’s appearance makes young people spend a lot of their time and money on /making/DRESSING/ up. Take a guy living near my house /for/AS/ an example. His father is an extremely successful businessman. Everyday, the father steadily gives him a big allowance without caring of how he uses this money. Then, he uncontrollably uses this money for going shopping, buying new-fashioned clothes instead of spending this money on his studIES. His updated and luxurious clothes only make his appearance bright and good-looking(,) but do not fill up his “empty”/”solid” mind. Besides, embellishing of appearance also wastes young people many hours per day. They squander/misspenD/dissipate their time by hunting unique shoes AND jewelLerY and standing in front of mirrors for a long time /to make up/ADMIRING THEMSELVES/.

Secondly, THE appearance of /people/A PERSON/ has nothing to do with their own real values/abilities. Speaking of THE Vietnamese community, Vietnamese always respect people who are gifted and contribute their efforts to the nation’s development/modernization rather than notice eye-catching people. For example, these days, via THE (I)nternet and television, we know that professor Ngo Bao Chau has achieved Fiels priZe which approximates to THE Nobel priZe. Both THE Vietnamese government and all Vietnamese citizens are glad and proud of his success.
That is a strong evidenCE supporting my opinion above: only when we have MADE A real contribution to the society, will we be admired by THE people around US.

Our appearance will be a big zero in people’s eyes if we are lazy, /ungifted/TALENTLESS/ students/residents who only ask their parents for money/enjoy parents’ fortune, or even STEAL money from others.

In conclusion, overrating one’s appearance is not A morally /right/CORRECT/ point of view. Sadly, this has NOT BEEN drilled into a /few/LOT OF/ Vietnamese young people’s mindS and has formed a negative tendency in our community. The young people should know that there are a variety of useful campaigns ranging FROM THE Green Summer AND THE Red Cross, which THAT are waiting for their efforts. Obviously, these operations are FAR MORE meaningful than pursuing fashion waves. Besides, families, schools and Vietnamese society should together educate young students IN THEIR having A proper attitude TOWARD THEIR LIVES.
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You have a good talent for writing Pukins. You write very well, and you will write even better the more you practice. A very intelligent essay.

Kitos. 8.5/10

Kitos, Can you explain for me why you wrote “are placing TOO high A value on their appearanceS” ? I feel confused because I think that “are placing A TOO high value on their appearanceS” is proper :-). Similarly, I do not know the grammar rules you used for this sentence “They squander/misspenD/dissipate their time by hunting unique shoes AND jewelLerY and standing in front of mirrors for a long time /to make up/ADMIRING THEMSELVES/.” I think that “to admire themselves” is right to my ear.

There is a my essay that you have not corrected for me, please you follow this link and check it for me. Thank you very much.
english-test.net/forum/sutra … tml#302167

Kitos, Can you explain for me why you wrote “are placing TOO high A value on their appearanceS”

Because this the correct form of the sentence.

Your other essay is in a queue. Essays posted together are always split by me. Every student gets their first essay attended to, but the second takes its place at the bottom of the pile. I don’t want to see two wssays posted at the same time. It wastes my time.