Topic4: Should elderly people live with other people or independently?

Hello, everyone.
Recently it is gradually getting hot in Japan.

By the way, I wrote an essay. Please correct it.

Topic4: Some elderly people live with their adult children and their grandchildren while others live independently. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both ways. Which do you think is better in your country?

In Japan, some elderly people live with their adult children and their grandchildren at a house. Others live independently. I conclude that living with their children and grandchildren is better after I compare the pros and cons of both options.

First of all, the advantage of living together is that elder people can teach their knowledge to their grandchildren. For example, when I was a child, my grandfather who had lived with me for a long time taught me how to play Japanese traditional games. Moreover, he told me some mysteries about our family. Today, although many children tend to play TV games and read comics, they hardly have a chance to learn traditional games and stories about their families. Therefore elderly people are very precious because they can teach various things to children.

On the other hand, the disadvantage of living together is that it is difficult for the whole family to do something together. That’s why elderly people have weak constitutions. For example, my family has never travel abroad because my grandfather didn’t have energy to travel. That is, living with elderly people makes the range of the family’s behavior narrow.

In contrast, the advantage of living separately is that elderly people can free to do what they want to do. For example, an elderly people who I know has moved to places in which he’d like to live after he was retired. If he lived with other people, he couldn’t have lived in other places except for the place in which he lived then.

The disadvantage of living separately is that nobody can take care of elderly people. This is a serious problem in Japan. For example, the other day, the dead old woman was found at her house. According to a newspaper, she had lived alone for a long time and one day she became a disease but she wasn’t able to go to hospital. This may sounds an extreme thing but this kind of affairs sometimes happens in Japan.

In conclusion, I think that elderly people should live with their children and grandchildren because they can teach their knowledge to many people. This is benefit not only for themselves but also their adult children and grandchildren.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation in a campus cafeteria

Hi, I think your essay is very good. You do not have many grammatical mistakes but your writing sounds a bit too simple and it would be good to use some more complex vocabulary. Your structure is good and your essay is well organized and addresses the prompt correctly. You have a few awkward sounding phrases, but it does not interfere with my comprehension. Overall, I would rate this essay a 3.5 out of 5.

Hello, Mr.Luschen. Thank you very much for your corrections :slight_smile:
I’ll make an effort to memorize vocabulary.