Topic11: Should universities give much money to students' sports activities?

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Hi everyone.
Would you please correct my essay?

Topic11: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.

I agree that universities should give the same amount of mones to their students’ sports activities. This is because universities can provide their students with good environments to do sport, and may be famous if their students’ sport-teams win in some sport tornaments. Moreover, sport is important thing as well as libraries for many students.

First of all, universities are able to provide students with various good environments for sports. For example, they can employ exellent coaches. If a famous coach instructs students, they will grow rapidly and strongly. In addition, universities can purchase better instruments, too. Most students don’t have money to buy expensive instruments. Therefore, giving them to students is very significance.

Second, if universities provide students with various enviroments for sport activities and students make more effort, universities would have opportunities to become more famous. This is because if their students’ teams become the strongest of all other universities, they can win in sport tornaments many times. It leads the students’ team to be famous, of course, their university too will be known by many people and become familiar. Therefore, a lot of high school students pay attantion to the university and the applicants for university will increase. This is benefit to universities.

Third, many studetents are interested in sport as well as study. Some students enrolled at universities to develop their sport abilities more. That is, it means that sport is very important factor at students’ university lives. Making students’ lives better is universities’ duty. Therefore, if universities don’t give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as well as their universities, it is unfair.

Today, because it has been depression in the world, it may be hard for universities to give a lot of money to sports activities. However, the money is very worth for both universities and students. For these reaosns stated above, I agree that universities give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from an Art History class

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Topic11: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.

I agree that universities should give the same( equal is better.avoid repeating in your topic) amount of mones( money) to their students’ sports activities. This is because universities can provide( supplement is more impressive then provide)) their students with good environments to do sport(+S), and may be famous if their students’ sport-teams win in some sport tornaments( tournaments). Moreover, sport is (+ unquestionably equally)important thing as well as( as well as should be replaced by :compared to":slight_smile: libraries for many students.

First of all, universities are able to provide students with various good environments for sports. For example, they can employ exellent(excellent) coaches . If a famous coach instructs (well )students, they will grow rapidly and strongly. In addition, universities can purchase better instruments, too. Most students don’t have (+enough) money to buy (=professional but)expensive instruments. Therefore, giving them to students is very significance(significant).

Second, if universities provide students with various enviroments( environtment) for sport activities and students make more effort, universities would have opportunities to become more famous. This is because if their students’ teams become the strongest(winner is better) of all other universities, they can win in sport tornaments many times. It leads the students’ team to be famous, of course, their university too will be known by many people and become familiar. Therefore, a lot of high school students pay attantion ( attention)to the university and the applicants for university will increase. This is benefit to universities.(paraphrase: this universities are also the beneficiary for its good investment.)

Third, many studetents (students)are interested in sport as well as study. Some students enrolled at universities to develop their sport abilities more. That is(deleted), it means that sport is very important(decisive is more impressive than important) factor at students’ university lives. Making students’ lives better is universities’ duty. Therefore, if universities don’t give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as well as their universities, it is unfair (or undesirable).

Today, because it(replace it by there) has been depression in the world, it may be hard for universities to give a lot of money to sports activities. However, the money is very worth for both universities and students. For these reasons stated above, I agree that universities give the same amount of money to students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.

( i tried my best to find your mistakes, hope that you or mr luschen will take time to check my ignored essays,. tks so much:) good luck!dear!

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Hi, Thuytrangenglish.
Thank you very much for your corrections :slight_smile: