Topic: Cultural activities

[thaodang119]

Hi leaders, please help me check my essay
Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, while others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have different views on how government budget should be spent. Some may hold the opinion that government can save this money on many other important sectors rather than on promoting art and preserving culture, but I believe this investment is both socially and economically worthwhile.

To begin with, advocates of the idea that allocating national money to supporting art and culture is discouraged can be explained by two principle reasons. Firstly, holding cultural events requires enormous investment ranging from expenditures on designing, marketing, decorating stage and making generous payment as an incentive for artists. Thus all of the above disbursements, if fulfilled, may put a heavy strain on national budget, which is necessary for other vital social services including education, health care and security. Secondly, a number of viewers who are able to understand implicit message hidden behind each piece of art conveyed by artists are low, hence, dedicating great money to celebrating art exhibitions can be seen as an unnecessary waste of national finance.

Nonetheless, I subscribe the view that holding cultural activities brings significantly benefits to citizens and society. Regarding to the local’s life, the needs for improving their spiritual lives has been increasing recently in modern society. Therefore, establishing cultural events such as traditional festival may considerably contribute to enrichment of people’s social life. From social perspective, investing to celebrating annual cultural activities would attract influx of tourists to the country. Consequently, this not only creates more job opportunities for the locals but also boost the growth of economy of the nation thanks to the wealth of tourism industry.

In conclusion, while pouring great national money to holding art exhibitions can be considered as a financial waste, It seems to me that establishing traditional activities would be a handsomely profitable investment for resident’s life as well as the development of society.

[Luschen]

Hi Nancy, here are some comments on your essay:

@thaodang119

People have different views on how [the] government budget should be spent. Some may hold the opinion that government can [spend] this money on many other important sectors rather than on promoting art and preserving culture, but I believe this investment is both socially and economically worthwhile.

To begin with, advocates of the idea that allocating national money {“national money” sounds odd - maybe “federal money” or “government funding”} to supporting art and culture [should be] discouraged can be explained by two [principal] reasons. Firstly, holding cultural events requires enormous investment ranging from expenditures on designing, marketing, [and] decorating [stages to] {with a “from” you need a corresponding “to”} making generous [payments] as an incentive for artists. Thus all of the above disbursements, if fulfilled, may put a heavy strain on [the] national budget, which is necessary for other vital social services including education, health care and security. Secondly, [the] number of [art lovers] {or better, “aficionados”} who are able to understand [the] implicit message hidden behind each piece of art conveyed by artists are low, hence, dedicating [large amounts of] money to celebrating art exhibitions can be seen as an unnecessary waste of national finance. {this reason seems a little weak - in fact, maybe it is lack of funding that is causing so few people to be able to appreciate art. Plus, do you need to know all the symbolism to be able to appreciate say the Mona Lisa, or Starry Night?}

Nonetheless, I subscribe the view that holding {“holding” sounds odd in this context} cultural activities brings significantly benefits to citizens and society. Regarding to the [ locals’ lives], {“locals” sounds a bit odd and informal here} the needs for improving their spiritual lives has been increasing recently in modern society. {why is this true?} Therefore, establishing cultural events such as traditional [festivals] may considerably contribute to enrichment of people’s social life. {“social life” has a specific meaning, Social life Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster which doesn’t sound exactly correct here} From [a ]social perspective, investing to celebrating annual cultural activities would attract [an] influx of tourists to the country. {this seems more like an economic perspective} Consequently, this not only creates more job opportunities for the locals but also [boosts] the growth of [teh] economy of the nation thanks to the wealth of [the] tourism industry.

In conclusion, while [devoting] great [amounts of government] money to holding art exhibitions can be considered as a financial waste, It seems to me that establishing traditional activities would be a handsomely profitable investment for [residents’ lives] as well as the development of society.

[thaodang119]

Hi leader Luschen,
Maybe I didn’t make any improvement in this essay, did you? The reasons as well as explanations I given may be little bit. My writing skill cannot be improved even though I tried my best to practice

[Luschen]

Hi Nancy, sorry I did not give more overall comments on your essay. Unfortunately, I do think this was somewhat of a step backwards from your last essay. I think some subjects are just easier to write about for certain students, so I would not feel too bad. I think looking at your earlier essays from a few months ago, this one is a big improvement over those. I know I have said many times that for this type of essay prompt, a three part essay is better, with two objective body paragraphs describing the two sides of the debate, then giving your opinion in a third subjective paragraph that can be combined with the conclusion. I figured you already know my view on this though, so I didn’t feel like I had to say it yet again.