TOEFL Writing- It is often said that it is unwise to borrow money from a friend since the friendship can be damaged


#1

Please help me improve the writing, thank you.

Topic: Do you agree or disagree? It is often said that it is unwise to borrow money from a friend since the friendship can be damaged.

As a Chinese saying goes friends are the one you can rely on besides your family. Therefore, some people take the fact of borrowing money from friends as normal. However, the idea above is unwise and vulnerable to everyone in my opinion.

Generally speaking, no one is cold-blooded and apathetic about friends’ trouble. Refusal of a friend’s help is never an easy thing. Some people help their friends with money under the pressure of friendship. Because many people treat it as an evidence of friendship. Therefore, even though one is not truly willing to lend the money, he has no choice but give the money away to their friends.

In addition, asking for money return is another problem for the lender. As the reason mentioned above, it’s pretty hard to deny the request of a friend’s, and so as to ask the borrower to pay off. This phenomenon makes the lender waiver an inch to lend the money and results in a tough issue between friends for always. Adding that the money can be used in a better and profitable way, it’s unwise to lend it to someone that return is impossible to expect.

As the progress of banking industry, it’s getting much easier to borrow money from banks. Although the interest rate may be a disadvantage to the borrower compared to borrowing from friends, yet no risk in damage to friendship is definitely a tempting outcome to consider this method. For the society, this can lift up the efficiency of social resources and increase the circulation of money. Without doubt, the prosperity of finance business merits the society and reduces the controversy of borrowing money between friends.

To sum up, considering the hardness of saying no to a friend’s need and request for the money back, borrowing money from a friend has nothing but a trouble to everyone. This not only risks the friendship, but also is an inefficient way to manage the money. To cherish the valuable friendship, borrowing money from banks is a better alternative for every person.


#2

Hi t112a4. Your writing in this one is very good, but the essay seemed a little unorganized and difficult for me to follow. As I stated below, I think the problem is that you keep switching in viewpoints between the potential borrower and the potential lender. It seems like the prompt is mainly talking about the borrower’s point of view - why you should not borrow money from a friend. But I do like your thesis, since both the borrower and the lender can have struggles in such a situation.
I think it might have been better to organize this essay by talking about the disadvantages for the borrower, and then the disadvantages for the lender. I also think having clearer topic sentences would have assisted me as the reader in better understanding your arguments. For instance, “Generally speaking, no one is cold-blooded and apathetic about a friends’ trouble.” - this does not really give a reason supporting your thesis. I read this topic sentence and I still don’t really know where you plan to go in this paragraph or what your main reason will be. Here are some other comments: