TOEFL Writing - best way that students can use their spare time

Some young people have free time in the evenings after school or on days off from school. Which of the following activities would be most beneficial for young people (ages 14-18) to do in their spare time? Why?

  • Gaining practical work experience either at a part time job or by volunteering in the community
  • Learning to play a sport
  • Learning to play a musical instrument

Teenagers usually have enough spare time during the age of fourteen to eighteen, and this time can be used in a way that benefits their well-being and also their future. Either by doing a part-time job or volunteering, young students can gain a precious experience in the real world and it will help them get into a prestigious college or pursue a great career as they will be more outstanding.

First, I think working and gaining a little practical experience, can make students a little money, which will cover their own personal expenses, such as the Internet, video games, and books, while they are not actually under the pressure of life. Additionally, they will learn how to manage their money and not to spend their savings like water, as they cherish their effort. I remember when I was in high school, during the summer I went to a part-time job, in order to fix houses and color them with one of my friends. Not only we accumulated some money for the rest of the year, but also we had a fun time working and spending days together. Working as a teenager made me stronger and I learned how to deal with money.

Next, today for getting into a top college having good grades is not sufficient anymore, because there are lots of excellent students out there who have got A scores in school. Apparently, colleges are looking for students who have been more than good students. For instance, working as a volunteer shows that not only you were struggling to use your time more efficiently, but also displays that you are always the kind of person who is so enthusiastic about their passion who will not trade it for money. Furthermore, volunteer work represents you a student who is aware of his area of interest and also is willing to help the world regardless of the income in order to make it a better place. For example, I have worked for three months as a volunteer programmer on a project that was meant to find a solution to the water shortage in a small village in my country. When I attended the project I would never speculate it to be considered a huge advantage in my resume for joining a college one day.

Last but not least, working at the early age makes students less dependent on their parents. Nowadays parents are absolutely thoughtful of their kids and they do not want them to lack anything in life. It is not necessarily advantageous when it comes to the personality that they are making for their children. Young people may not be able to properly understand the importance of money and presume it would always be as easy as making a deposit in a bank account. Instead, when students start working in their spare time, they gradually become less dependent on their parents since they have to learn how to overcome obstacles confronted with them. In my experience, working part-time and volunteering formed my personality in a way that made me sound different and wiser even in high school than my classmates.

As I have illustrated above, working either a part-time job or as a volunteer is far more beneficial than learning how to play, for example, piano or master in a sports field, because they can be easily learned later in life. This way, young students will end up independent with solid characteristics who know how to manage and cope with difficulties in life. I assert that personality and perspective are the most vital features that can lead a person to success either in life or career. Who do you want to become? A man with courage and confidence who is successful in the life or a person who knows how to swim?

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Hi Ali, another great essay. Your format was effective and your examples were convincing. I thought it was a good idea to return to the prompt in your conclusion and briefly talk about the other two options.
I think it might have been good to also do this in your introduction to sort of “bookend” your essay and ensure that you are not just stating that working or volunteering is good, but is also better than the other two options. Here are some additional comments:

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Dear Luschen,
Your notes are very helpful and valuable to me.
Thank you very much for taking time.

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