Toefl: Reasons for attending university. Please give me some feedback!!!!

[Thaiham95]

From many centuries ago, universities have been playing an important role in one’s life. Different people attend university for different point of views. As far as I am concerned, the three most reasons are increased knowledge, career preparation and new experiences.

First of all, for most people, university is an ideal place for them to develop their understanding. Truthfully, in this wonderful academic environment, everyone is provided with varieties and gigantic number of information by a lot of professors and well-trained teachers. Thus, people are able to strengthen their knowledge. Moreover, through the instructions of teachers, the sufficient infrastructure such as laboratory, library, students is capable of doing research on every academic aspect. Therefore, they can gain a deep sight into what are they studying.

Secondly, studying in university means that you have totally turned into a different page of your life, which included many new experiences. The number of individual who enroll in university are enormous, more than any school one person have studied. Thus, students are given such fantastic chance to create new and wide relationships with a lot of people from any corner of one nation, even from the whole world. For instance, my brother are studying in an international university with a mixed community include Vietnam, Brazil, Argentina, etc. And he told me that he is very excited for experiencing such new environment, which is one of his main purposes when attending university.

Last but not least, preparing for career is an essential function of university. Students not only do homework, assignment and attend class but also need to participate in volunteer work, internship and part time job. Thus, they can have some experiences in the outside world and discover what their life goals are. After all, they know where and what to put high emphasis on in order to achieve their objectives.

In summation, people may attend university for various reasons. Some want to enjoy new experiences, some are going to prepare for their future career, while others are eager to develop their understanding. Even though the purposes could be various, everybody who is studying in university should concentrate on the objectives and try their best.

Give me some feedback and feel free to grade me. Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a science class

[Luschen]

Hi, I think you have written a very good essay - please see my comments and suggestions below

@Thaiham95

From many centuries ago,{this sounds a little awkward - I would prefer “Beginning many …” - with this you would have to change the verb to “have played” or "For many centuries, universities …} universities have been playing an important role in one’s life.{“people’s lives” or “students’ lives” or “society”} Different people attend university for different point of views.{this sounds like they attend university to get different points of view} As far as I am concerned, the three most [important ]reasons [to attend university] are increased knowledge, career preparation and new experiences.

First of all, for most people, university is an ideal place for them to develop their understanding. {you usually increase, enhance, or promote understanding, you don’t often develop it} Truthfully, in this wonderful academic environment, everyone is provided with varieties and [a] gigantic number[amount] of information by a lot of professors and well-trained teachers. Thus, people are able to strengthen their knowledge. Moreover, through the instructions of teachers, the sufficient infrastructure such as laboratory, library, {laboratories and libraries} students is capable of doing[are able to do]research on every academic aspect. Therefore, they can gain a deep sight [insight] into what are they studying.

Secondly, studying in university means that you have totally turned into a different page of your life, which included[includes] many new experiences. The number of individual[s ] who enroll in university are enormous, more than any school one person have studied.{this phrase is unclear} Thus, students are given such [a ] fantastic chance to create new and wide relationships with a lot of people from any corner of one nation, even from the whole world. For instance, my brother are[is] studying in an international university with a mixed community include Vietnam, Brazil, Argentina, etc. And he told me that he is very excited for experiencing [to experience] such [a] new environment, which is[was] one of his main purposes when attending university.

Last but not least, preparing for [a] career is an essential function of university. Students not only do homework, [complete their] assignment[s ] and attend class but also need to participate in volunteer work, internship[s ] and part time job[s ]. Thus, they can have some experiences in the outside world and discover what their life goals are. After all, they know where and what to put high emphasis on[emphasize] in order to achieve their objectives.

In summation {“In summary” sounds more natural}, people may attend university for various reasons. Some want to enjoy new experiences, some are going to prepare for their future career, while others are eager to develop their understanding. Even though the purposes could be various[vary], everybody who is studying in university should concentrate on the[ir main] objectives and try their best.

Give me some feedback and feel free to grade me. Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a science class

[Thaiham95]

Hi luschen.I really appreciate your effort. Thanks for helping. Can you help me with the beginning and the conclusion of the essay? I always stuck with it

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your introduction is not that bad. Your thesis statement is pretty good. I will try to write an example for you when I get a chance, but until then this might help:

Try to find a good essay writing guide on the internet - I think this one is pretty good: bookrags.com/articles/4.html. The introduction should start with a general statement, then get more and more specific until you end with your thesis statement. The thesis statement should contain a very brief summary of your main arguments. Another possibility is to very briefly examine the other side’s arguments, then state that nevertheless, you prefer your side.