TOEFL Independent essay evaluation

Topic:

Young people enjoy life more than older people do.

Do you agree or disagree?

My Essay:
In today’s fast moving world everyone want a life which is full of excitement and is very lively. Today’s job markets and business require individuals to work even harder as compared to few years back but at the same time current generation or the young people know how to enjoy life. I agree that young people enjoy life more than older people. Everyone has its own way to enjoy life but some of the common ways people enjoy life is travelling, involve in some activity which he/she loves etc. There are many reasons as to why young people enjoy life more than the older people.

First, when we are young, in majority of the cases we are healthy and fit. Being hale and hearty is very important to enjoy life. If one has to travel to explore different places and is not physically fit then there are many problems which one has to face and in turn people become reluctant to travel places. As people grow old there are many health restrictions due to which older people cannot enjoy life as young people can do. For example, when our family planned a trip one of my uncle couldn’t come as he has a heart problem and doctors have not allowed him to travel.

Second, young people do not have much responsibilties as compared to old people. For example, older people has to take care of their children, earn money for stable life and also have different work responsibilties. But when people are young, they don’t have any liabilities and are free to do what they want. The old people do not enjoy life to that extent as they have to fulfill other responsibilites due to which they cannot enjoy life to that extent.

To sum up, I feel that as we grow old there are many health restrictions and also inceased responsibilites which stops us from enjoying life to some extent. Hence young people enjoy life more as compared to older people as they are healthy and fit and do not have many responsibilities.

1 Like

In today’s fast moving world everyone wants a life which is full of excitement and is very lively.

I’m not sure if a life really can ‘very lively’.

Ok, it can is full of life

You mean a lively life which is full of life?

No instead of lively just I would use ‘Full of life’

Can you grade this essay as per toefl and also one of my integrated essay I have my toefl in 7 days I need to work on my weeknesses