Toefl essay writting.

[Hdamd]

Hello,

As you might know, I prepare for the toefl. So, if you could take a look on my essay,it will be great.

Educational-wise, we have teachers during all our schooling. Each one has the aim to teach us a discipline and then at the end of the chapter they evaluate our skills through exams. So, the student has to work on his own, review the chapter, the exercice, and eventually asks some help to the teacher. Nonetheless, working for an exams requires method, skills and motivation. I do not think that these kinds of skills requiere a teacher, on the contrary it requieres only ourselves.

In this respect, I believe that learning by ourselves is more efficient. As a matter of fact, when we learn by ourselves we develop our skills, our minds, our reflexion, to some extent it develop our way of thinking and above all it provides us a working method. In other words, learning by ourselves, in a certain way, make us independent. To illustrate my point, I will give you one of my experience and observation. Indeed, last year my brother had a tutor who made him his work instead of him. As you can imagine it, it did not enhance neither his comprehension nor his reflexion. Unlike, it turned him lazy. This year, my parents had decided that he will not have a tutor anymore. Subsequestly, his grade discreace exponentially. So, I decide to handle the problem by teaching him a way to work : a method. At first, he really hated the fact that I was only here to remind him that he has to work and explain him the point that he did not understand. Little by little, I let him do things on his own. Astonishingly, his grades improve but above all he was proud of himself and bearing in mind that he understood he was able and had the skills to work on his own. In this respect, working by ourselves is way much better and educational.

All things considered, I believe having a personal teacher is not helping, but on the contrary. However, we can not do without a teacher. We need them at school, to teach us new things but all the homework we have to do it on our own.

Thanks you ( a lot ) for your help !
Bye !

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Political Science

[Luschen]

Sorry, been out of town - sometimes you have to be patient.

I think much of your writing is very good. You have some complex sentence structures and advanced vocabulary, but sometimes your words are not quite correct and a few of your sentences sound odd or are difficult to understand. Your structure is a bit unorthodox and not as effective as the standard format. I think this is a good webpage that describes an effective essay structure: bookrags.com/articles/4.html
You don’t really have any reasons, just an extended example of your brother’s experience, which is nonetheless a good example for this topic. You have a few errors in verb tense and some incorrect prepositions as well. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Hdamd

Hello,

As you might know, I prepare for the toefl. So, if you could take a look on my essay,it will be great.

Educational-wise,{I don’t really like this word - there are better ways to construct this sentence} we have teachers during all our schooling. Each one has the aim to teach us a discipline and then at the end of the chapter {“end of the chapter” sounds a bit odd here} they evaluate our skills through exams. So, the student has to work on his own, review the chapter, the exercice{spelling}, and eventually asks[ask] some help to{“of” or “from”} the teacher. Nonetheless, working for an exams{what does “working for an exams” mean? This sentence sounds very odd} requires method, skills and motivation. I do not think that these kinds of skills requiere{sp} a teacher, on the contrary it requieres [they require] only ourselves.

In this respect, I believe that learning by ourselves is more efficient. As a matter of fact, when we learn by ourselves we develop our skills, our minds, our reflexion,{reflection? still this is a bit unclear} to some extent it develop[s ] our way of thinking and above all it provides us a working method.{what do In other words, learning by ourselves, in a certain way, make[s ] us independent. To illustrate my point, I will give you one of my experience[s ] and observation[s ]. Indeed, last year my brother had a tutor who made him his work instead of him. {“who did his work for him” is better} As you can imagine it, it did not enhance [it enhanced] neither his comprehension nor his reflexion.{still not sure what this means here} Unlike,{“unlike” is incorrect here} it turned him lazy. This year, my parents had decided that he will not have a tutor anymore. Subsequestly, his grade discreace{sp} exponentially. So, I decide[d ] to handle the problem by teaching him a way to work : a method. At first, he really hated the fact that I was only here to remind him that he has to work and explain [to] him the point[s ] that he did not understand. Little by little, I let him do things on his own. Astonishingly, his grades improve[d ] but above all he was proud of himself and bearing in mind that he understood he was able and had the skills to work on his own. {this sentence is borderline rambling and unorganized} In this respect, working by ourselves is way much better and [more] educational. {we often say “is way better”, but this is informal and not suitable for essays}

All things considered, I believe having a personal teacher is not helping[always helpful], but on the contrary. {“on the contrary” is a transition used before you give a differing opinion} However, we can not do without a teacher. We need them at school, to teach us new things but [as for] all the homework[,] we have to do it on our own.

Thanks you ( a lot ) for your help !
Bye !

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Political Science

[Hdamd]

Thanks you very much for your time and your help.