Toefl essay. Kindly please help me correct it.Many thanks!!!

[Hang]

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
If someone query me a question that if I prefer enjoying meal in restaurant or at home, my choice will be having a meal in a restaurant although it will spend me much more money.
First and foremost, it’s common knowledge that food prepared by famous chef would be more delicious than by ourselves because we are usually amateur cook. Restaurant is equipped by modern device and had full of ingredient to cook some distinguished food. For example, if we live in the Asia and fascinate in Italian food, it’s easier to find a prestigious restaurant than find enough ingredients because that kind of food has the special features which is hard to find in the market.
The second reason attracted me to go to restaurant is the atmosphere that can’t be served by our familiar house. Many restaurants are loved by their consumers because of their original design. I would love to enjoy dinner Riverside Restaurant located in the top of the twenty-floor building near the West River and look the whole bright city at night. I feel very pleasure and unwind all stress of the day. Actually, I must admit that I can’t find this feeling at home.
Once more rationale that makes me love eating meal in the restaurant is service. Although we can feel the family feeling when we attend the dinner with our family, we can’t be served carefully by professional waiters. We are treated as a king and all our requests are served quickly at restaurant. For instance, if the dish is not tasty and should add more salt, we had better go and take by ourselves than ask from other member.
To sum up, I totally grasp the importance of the family meal but I prefer enjoying in the restaurant than at home. If I have much money, I will experience all famous restaurants to enjoy all cuisine all over the world

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Modern World History

[Luschen]

Hi Hang, your essay is not too bad. I like your structure and you have good topic sentences and examples. I like your detailed description of Riverside Restaurant. Your introduction is a little too brief though. You don’t have too many grammatical errors, but you do have a lot of odd sentence constructions and awkward and unnatural sounding phrases. You also have some problems with your use of articles. Also, make sure to avoid using contractions. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Hang

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
If someone query me a question {you don’t query a question, you query a person} that if[whether] I prefer enjoying [to enjoy] meal in [a] restaurant or at home, my choice will be having [to have] a meal in a restaurant although it will spend[cost] me much more money.
First and foremost, it’s{avoid contractions} common knowledge that food prepared by [a] famous chef would be more delicious than [that cooked] by ourselves because we are usually amateur cook[s ]. [A] Restaurant is equipped by[with] modern device[s ] and had[is] full of ingredient[s ] {I would say " and has the ingredients necessary to cook …"} to cook some distinguished food. For example, if we live in the Asia and [are] fascinate[d with] in Italian food, it’s easier to find a prestigious restaurant than find[ing the correct] enough ingredients because that kind of food has the special features{“constituents” is better} which is[are] hard to find in the market.
The second reason [that] attracted me to go to restaurant is the atmosphere that can’t{contraction} be served by[duplicated in] {“delivered by” would work too} our familiar house. Many restaurants are loved by their consumers{“customers” is better} because of their original design. I would love to enjoy dinner [at] Riverside Restaurant located in the top of the twenty-floor [story] building near the West River and look [at] {or “and observe the whole”} the whole bright city at night. I [would] feel very pleasure[d] {“contented” is better here though} and [this would] unwind all stress of the day. Actually, I must admit that I can’t{contraction} find this feeling at home.
On[e ] more rationale that makes me love eating [a] meal in the {“a” is better} restaurant is service. Although we can feel the family[familial] feeling when we attend the dinner with our family, we can’t{contraction} be served carefully by professional waiters. We are treated as a king and all our requests are served quickly at [a] restaurant. For instance, if the dish is not tasty and should add{“have” or “include”} more salt, we had better go and take by [care of it] ourselves [rather] than ask [help] from [an]other [family] member.
To sum up, I totally grasp the importance of the family meal but I prefer enjoying [cuisine] in the restaurant [rather] than {or “instead of at home”} at home. If I have much money, I will experience all{“many” seems more realistic!} famous restaurants to enjoy all cuisine all over the world. "If I had …, I would … sounds more natural}

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Modern World History

[Ezb]

I’ve written an essay about the same topic. Do you think it is well organized and written?

Everybody loves restaurants: it’s a fast and easy way to eat. Everything is prepared, you just have to order and you will be served! Nevertheless, I prefer eating food at home because it’s healthier, cheaper and better tasting.

First of all, eating at home is healthier because it is more nutritive. For instance, when I eat at home, I am aware of the nutritious value of the food I am eating. I try to have a balanced diet and I cook with the food guide pyramid in mind. However, when I eat outside, I order the recipes I like, paying no attention to whether it is nutritive or not. This means that preparing your own food makes you more conscious of the things put in your body. That’s why eating at home is healthier.

Besides, food made at home is cheaper, which is always a benefit. For example, I am a student and I simply can’t afford eating at restaurants, they are too expensive for me! When I eat outside, I spend at least 10 euros in each meal, whereas if I buy and prepare my own food I use those 10 euros in three meals. This is good for my pocket and lets me save money, which I can invest in other things I like, such as books or music. Eating at home is more economic.

Finally, eating at home means having better tasting meals. For example, in recent years, fast food restaurants have become very popular because they are a quick way to eat. However, I find their food tasteless! It hasn’t any flavour, so it doesn’t stimulate my appetite. On the other hand, food made at home is more delicious, and it makes you enjoy your meals.

In sum, each of us has his/her preferences in life, which makes us like eating at restaurants or at home. In my view, preparing and eating food at home is a better choice because it benefits our health, our budget and our appetite.

[Luschen]

Hi, usually it is best to post your essays as their own topics. I usually look for the topics with no responses when finding essays to grade. At least this essay has the same topic as the original post. I thought your writing was very natural. You have a clear easy-to-understand style with vivid and personal examples. Your essay as a whole seemed cohesive and persuasive. You do have a few minor errors, particularly with your prepositions. Also, your vocabulary is a bit basic, although all your words are used correctly. I think I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5 though, good job!

@Ezb

I’ve written an essay about the same topic. Do you think it is well organized and written?

Everybody loves restaurants: it’s a fast and easy way to eat. Everything is prepared, you just have to order and you will be served! Nevertheless, I prefer eating food at home because it’s healthier, cheaper and better tasting.

First of all, eating at home is healthier because it is more nutrit[ious]. For instance, when I eat at home, I am aware of the nutritio[nal] value of the food I am eating. I try to have a balanced diet and I cook with the food guide pyramid in mind. However, when I eat outside [the home] {“outside” here sounds like a picnic}, I order the recipes{you don’t really order a recipe - you order food, or a dish, or maybe cuisine} I like, paying no attention to whether it is nutriti[ous] or not. This means that preparing your own food makes you more conscious of the things {I would add “you” here} put in your body. That’s why eating at home is healthier.

Besides, food made at home is cheaper, which is always a benefit. For example, I am a student and I simply can’t afford eating at restaurants,{colon or semicolon} they are too expensive for me! When I eat [away from home] outside, I spend at least 10 euros in{“for” or “at”} each meal, whereas if I buy and prepare my own food I use those 10 euros in three meals.{“… I can get three meals for those same 10 Euros” seems better} This is good for my pocket[book] and lets me save money, which I can invest in other things I like, such as books or music. Eating at home is more economic[al].

Finally, eating at home means having better tasting meals. For example, in recent years, fast food restaurants have become very popular because they are a quick way to eat. However, I find their food tasteless! It hasn’t{avoid using contractions in formal essays} any flavour, so it doesn’t stimulate my appetite. On the other hand, food made at home is more delicious, and it makes you{you switch from “me” to “you” pretty abruptly here - it sounds a bit odd} enjoy your meals.

In sum, each of us has his/her preferences in life, which makes us like eating at restaurants or at home. In my view, preparing and eating food at home is a better choice because it benefits our health, our budget and our appetite.

[Ezb]

Thank you very much for your correction. From now on I will post my essays on new topic.