TOEFL essay evaluation

READING

Professors are normally found in university classrooms, offices, and libraries doing research
and lecturing to their students. More and more, however, they also appear as guests on
television news programs, giving expert commentary on the latest events in the world. These
television appearances are of great benefit to the professors themselves as well as to their
universities and the general public.
Professors benefit from appearing on television because by doing so acquire reputations as
authorities in their academic fields among a much wider audience than they have on
campus. If a professor publishes views in an academic journal, only other scholars will learn
about and appreciate those views. But when a professor appears on TV, thousands of
people outside the narrow academic community become aware of the professorā€™s ideas. So
when professors share their ideas with a television audience, the professorsā€™ importance as
scholars is enhanced.
Universities also benefit from such appearances. The universities receive positive publicity
when their professors appear on TV. When people see a knowledgeable faculty member of a
university on television, they think more highly of that university. That then leads to an
improved reputation for the university. And that improved reputation in turn leads to more
donations for the university and more applications from potential students.
Finally, the public gains from professorsā€™ appearing on television. Most television viewers
normally have no contact with university professors. When professors appear on television,
viewers have a chance to learn from experts and to be exposed to views they might
otherwise never hear about. Television is generally a medium for commentary that tends to
be superficial, not deep or thoughtful. From professors on television, by contrast, viewers get
a taste of real expertise and insight.

LISTENING SCRIPT
Lately, weā€™ve been seeing some professors on television. Though itā€™s sometimes claimed to be a good thing, we should question whether anybody really benefits from it. First of all, itā€™s not good for the professors themselvesā€”not from a professional standpoint. Rightly or wrongly, a professor who appears on TV tends to get the reputation among fellow professors of being someone who is not a serious scholarā€” someone who chooses to entertain rather than to educate. And for that reason, TV professors may not be invited to important conferencesā€”important meetings to discuss their academic work. They may even have difficulty getting money to do research. So for professors, being a TV celebrity has important disadvantages. A second point is that being on TV can take a lot of a professorā€™s timeā€”not just the time on TV but also time figuring out what to present and time spent rehearsing, travel time, even time getting made up to look good for the cameras. And all this time comes out of the time the professor can spend doing research, meeting with students, and attending to university business. So you can certainly see there are problems for the university and its students when professors are in the TV studio and not on campus. So who does benefit? The public? Thatā€™s not so clear either. Look, professors do have a lot of knowledge to offer, but TV networks donā€™t want really serious in-depth academic lectures for after-dinner viewing. What the networks want is the academic title, not the intellectual substance. The material that professors usually present on TVā€”such as background on current events, or some brief historical introduction to a new movie version of a great literary workā€”this material is not much different from what viewers would get from a TV reporter who had done a little homework.

MY ESSAY:
The passage state that, when a professor appears on TV as a guest to talk about the latest events in the world, it benefits the professor, University and also general public. The passage provides three reasons in order to support the claim. However, the professor questions this claim and refutes each way in which it benefits professor, university and general public.

First, the reading states that, when a professor appears on the TV they can reach a wider audience and by doing this they acquire reputation in their respective fields. The professor refutes this point and says that, if the professor appear on TV oftenly, then it is not good for the professorsā€™ reputation as other scholars think the professor as an entertainer and do not take him seriously. These professors are also not invited to different conferences and even do not get fundings for research.

Second, the lecture posits that, the universities benefit from this as university receive good publicity when the professors appear on the TV. The people think highly about the university if its faculty appear on the TV. The professor opposes this point and says that, if the professor spend more time on TV he has to give time for preparations, rehearsals, travel and even looks. But if the professor spends so much time on these activites then the professor would not get time for meeting with students or doing research and university business.

Third, the passage says that the general public benefit from this as they donā€™t have any contact with the professors at any other time so when they have a chance they can learn from the experts and also are exposed to different views. The professor oppose this point. The professor says that the TV network donā€™t want people to watch in depth academic viewing at the night time. The TV networks want more of entertainment and less content and in this way even the general public do not get in depth knowledge from the experts.

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I think nowadays you can study any topic and learn anything without enrolling in any formal university program. There are online universities and online platforms such as Udemy available and learning communities such as StackExchange just to name a few where you can find answers to almost any question.

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Actually this is topic is for my TOEFL essay evaluation

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Iā€™m aware of this. Letā€™s see what @RyanBell and @Alan think about your essay.

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Thanks, that would be very helpful. Thanks a lot

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The passage states that, when a professor appears on TV as a guest to talk about the latest events in the world, it benefits the professor, University and also the general public.

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There are minor mistakes that I can see. For example in your first paragraph you must say ā€œthe passage statesā€. In youā€™re second paragraph where you wrote professorsā€™, it should be professorā€™s, because he owns his reputation and there is no s naturally occurring at the end of the title. In your third paragraph ending you sentence after ā€œthe universities benefit from thisā€ would help you into forming your sentence of ā€œAs the university receives good publicityā€¦ā€

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There are some more minor details that I can state if youā€™d like me to.

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Yes please point out other minor mistakes and could you suggest points on 5 for this essay.

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In your second paragraph ā€œThe people think highly about the university if ā€˜itā€™sā€¦ā€™ā€ you always need an apostrophe if you are wanting to say it is. ā€œ, if the professor ā€˜spendsā€™ā€ā€¦ and at the end of that sentence when you say But, there should be a comma instead a period before it. However, would be a better way of starting that sentence, because if you put the comma it would be a run on sentence. ā€œButā€ can never be the start of a sentence. At the end of you second paragraph ā€œwould not get time ā€˜to meetā€™ā€¦ā€ There are still some minor mistakes in the third paragraph, but I donā€™t want to give you all the answers. Iā€™d like to see you re-write the third paragraph and see how it could be better in your own words.

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Ok Thanks for this. I will surely work on it. Can you please rate this on 5 as I have my TOEFL in next week so just need someone to evaluate. Thanks

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Yes I get it instead of starting a sentence in this way I can write that ā€˜As the people do not have access to university professorsā€™ the benefit from it as they are exposed to different views and also can learn many new things from them.

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Excellent way of putting it. If I must rate/grade your exam from 1-5, 5 being the best, Iā€™d have to rate a 3 only to not half numbers. Otherwise Iā€™d give it a 3.5. only because, while you had only one spelling error there were many minor grammar mistakes. Iā€™d like you to re-write it and Iā€™ll do the same thing. You are welcome to use what I wrote above or if you find a better way to put it, thatā€™d be even better.

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I think another draft would be excellent practice.

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Thanks I will rewrite it and post it in coming days. In the meantime, I will practice more essays and post it for evaluation. Thanks

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