Toefl essay: do bad experiences have lessons for the future?

[ahmad1]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer.

Anyone’s life is full of good and bad experiences such as spending a nice vacation with your family, winning a lottery, or fighting with a virulent and life-threatening disease. It depends on us how we view these experiences, some people believe that there is nothing valuable in hard moments, while others think that we should enjoy our pleasant experiences and learn from bitter ones. I agree with the latter, each difficult moment has priceless lessons for the future.

As famous German philosopher, Nietzsche, said: “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”, predicaments and plights make us mentally stronger. Although we have hard times when bad things happen to us, they will help us endure other unpleasant situations in the future more easily. For example, going to military service was a really bad experience for me, living with 149 other people in a huge room, waking up at 4 o’clock every day, eating bland foods, and receiving military training, all of these seemed unbearable at that time. However, it helped me to be more self-confident, independent, and tolerable so that I have been living alone in a city far from family for five years. As you can see, a difficult experience helped me to be mentally stronger.

In addition, sometimes we tend to not appreciate the value of the things we have until we lose them. Bad experiences usually occur when we lose something such as health, a family member, or money. Therefore, one of the most important lessons we learn from bitter experiences is that we will value what we have. For instance, I broke my ankle in a football match a few years age and I could not walk for a couple of months as well as had trouble with my daily routines. After my leg healed, I was delighted that I was able to walk again. As a result, that accident had a big lesson for me, now, in difficulties I say to myself: "count your blessings".

Finally, we will be able to avoid the mistakes we have done before. All of us have some bad experiences in our lives. The point is that we should learn from them so that we are ready to react properly in similar situations. Take my father as a good example he set up a business in partnership with one of his so-called best friends ten years ago. As he trusted his friend completely, he didn’t sign any contract with him. But his friend betrayed my father’s trust and defrauded him of thousands of dollars. That terrible experience had a useful lesson for my father, not to trust anyone in a partnership.

To sum up, I contend that bad experiences have big lessons for the future. They make us mentally stronger, cause us to value what we have, and help us avoid repeating our mistakes. So everyone should enjoy good experiences and learn from bad ones.

[Luschen]

Hi Ahmad, I thought you did a really good job with this essay. Your main error in your writing here was your run-on sentences. You cannot connect two independent clauses with a comma. Furthermore, in your last body paragraph you connected two independent clauses with no punctuation at all. Besides that, your grammar was very good and your reasoning was very convincing. Here are some other suggestions:

@ahmad1

Anyone’s {“everyone’s” sounds better here} life is full of good and bad experiences[,] such as spending a nice vacation with your family, winning a lottery, or fighting with a virulent and life-threatening disease. It depends on us how we view these experiences[; ]some people believe that there is nothing valuable in hard moments, while others think that we should enjoy our pleasant experiences and learn from bitter ones. I agree with the latter [viewpoint;] {or a colon would also work here} each difficult moment has priceless lessons for the future.

As [the] famous German philosopher, Nietzsche, said: “that which does not kill us makes us stronger”, predicaments and plights make us mentally stronger. Although we have hard times when bad things happen to us, they will help us endure other unpleasant situations in the future more easily. For example, going to military service was a really bad {try to use different words for “good” and “bad” - here you could say horrible, terrible, horrendous, disappointing, tedious, nerve-wracking, and so on depending on why it was bad and how bad it was} experience for me, living with 149 other people in a huge room, waking up at 4 o’clock every day, eating bland foods, and receiving military training, all of [which] seemed unbearable at that time. However, [this experience] helped me to be {“become” is better here} more self-confident, independent, and tolerable {“tolerable” does not really work here - do you mean people are better able to tolerate you? In that case you could say “pleasant” or that you are better able to tolerate difficulties? If so, maybe “perseverant”} so that I have been [comfortable] living alone in a city far from family for five years. As you can see, a difficult experience helped me to be {maybe “helped make me …” to add some variety to your sentence structure} mentally stronger.

In addition, sometimes we tend to not appreciate the value of the things we have until we lose them. Bad experiences usually occur when we lose something such as health, a family member, or money. Therefore, one of the most important lessons we learn from bitter experiences is that we will [to] value {or “one of the most important consequences of bitter experiences is that we will better value what …”} what we have. For instance, I broke my ankle in a football match a few years [ago] and I could not walk for a couple of months[, which greatly interfered] as well as had trouble with my daily routines. {your version sounded a little clunky} After my leg healed, I was delighted that I was able to walk again[, as daily life suddenly seemed easier than ever before]. {it seemed like you needed one more clause like this to make your point perfectly clear} As a result, that accident had a big lesson for me, now, in difficulties I say to myself: “count your blessings”. {this is another run-on sentence, called a “comma splice”. You need to use a period, semi-colon, or transition phrase, like “… for me, so now in difficulties, I say …”}

Finally, [by making it through rough times,] {make sure that all your topic sentences refer back to the prompt and your thesis} we will be able to avoid the mistakes we have done {“made” is better here} before. All of us have some bad experiences in our lives. The point is that we should learn from them so that we are ready to react properly in similar situations. Take my father as a good example[. He] set up a business in partnership with one of his so-called best friends ten years ago. As he trusted his friend completely, he didn’t {avoid contractions in formal essays} sign any contract with him. But his friend betrayed my father’s trust and defrauded him of thousands of dollars. That terrible experience had a useful lesson for my father[:] not to trust anyone in a partnership.

To sum up, I contend that bad experiences have big lessons for the future. They make us mentally stronger, cause us to value what we have, and help us avoid repeating our mistakes. So {some graders don’t think sentences should begin with “so” - maybe “It is clear that everyone …”} everyone should enjoy good experiences and learn from bad ones.

[ahmad1]

Hi Luschen
Thank you very much.
I don’t know how I can express my gratitude for your help.
You are absolutely right about using punctuation. Indeed, I don’t know how to use punctuation in writing correctly.
“it helped me to be more self-confident, independent, and tolerable …”
here I meant “tolerant” , but I mistyped it.
Is “tolerant” meaningful is this context?

[Luschen]

Tolerant is better, but generally it is used when talking about how you interact with people who are different than you. Ex: “In the US it is important to be tolerant of those who share religious beliefs that are different from yours.”

It is generally not used to describe that you are able to tolerate difficult experiences.

[ahmad1]

I got it.
Thank you.