This is my second Essay can you please rectify my mistakes...

Topic:whether to learn a foreign language in the Home country or in the foreign country…
My response:
There are both advantages and disadvantages, in learning the foreign language in both home country and foreign country as well. In this essay I would like to mention both advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages of learning the foreign langauage in home country are as follows;
It is cheaper to learn in terms of cost, we do not feel shy to speak and rectify our mistakes as every one knows that we are new to the language and we are trying to learn the new language. The second reason is, we can ask so many doubts in the place where we learn or some one else who knows the language and it will be easy to get clarification of our doubts.
Coming to disadvantages, if we learn the foreign language in the home country we will not get the exact pronounciation, idioms, and we may miss the natural speech of expression.
So, in my opinion it is better to learn the foreign language moderately and develop an idea about that and then proceed to the foreign country, interact with the native speakers, observe them, learn from them so, that we will finally succed in learning the foreign language easily.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Animal Behavior by a professor of Biology

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but I would be happy to make some comments. I think you should pick a side on the debate and defend that viewpoint. In this case you agree that it is easier to learn in a foreign country. So you should have an introduction saying that even though there are advantages to learning in your home country, you believe that learning in a foreign country is better. The next two paragraphs should expand on the reasons for your choice. Then the final paragraph summarizes your argument. Also, make sure you write in paragraph form instead of just a list as you do in your second paragraph above. I could correct your grammar, but I think it is important to get the structure correct first.