This is my first essay, please correct and rate it!

Groups or organizations are an important part of some people’s lives. Why are groups and organizations important to people? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer?

People today are usually take part in some groups or organizations. It plays an important role in their life. To talk about reasons why these groups and organizations are indispensible for them, I think it brings them economic advantages, chances to express their feelings and also protection.

First of all, people can get more benefits if they cooperate. People have talents in different categories and they should combine to make business. For example, if you are good at persuading others, you can encourage them to buy your products. However, you will need someone that can provide you with good products- a producer and also other people to anticipate your profits, make advertisements. If you can find people who good at these fields, you can cooperate with them and develop a strong company and certainly make huge profit. Another example that I have experienced when I was student is that living with other students will decrease the cost of living such as accommodation cost, water or electric cost.

Secondly, many people take part in group to talk about their emotion and to speak freely. I have some friends, we are a real group that everyone is willing to help others. I think we are a group not just because we need help from others, we need someone to talk about our feelings, to express our own perception about the world or tell about troubles we face in family. In addition, I think everyone needs a place where they can discuss themes they are interested in. There are many such places like science clubs, astronomy clubs or cooking club.

Finally, protection is a key reason for people to be in groups and organization, from my perspective. Human have realized this for years. In the ancient time, people lived in groups and settled in caves. They lived together in large number because they could avoid predators and also, hunting in group was much more efficient. Protection is the reason for many organization to have appeared in the history. For example, workers in nineteenth century were treated badly by their employers. There was an event that an employer locked the gate of the factory to prevent worker from losing time at toilet; the factory accidentally caught fire and all the workers died. This famous event leaded to the formation of Labor Union in the United States. This organization has protected workers and fought for their rights since it was operated.

In a nutshell, participating in groups or organizations will brings us economic benefits, places to speak and express ourselves and also protection. Human society has step by step developed more and more complicated and that is not merely due to the flourishing of science and technology; it also because people have realized advantages of co-operations.

TOEFL listening discussions: How many types of IMA passes are available?

Hi Helias, welcome to the forum. You seem to be well on your way, as your essay is quite good. You have an effective structure and your examples are relevant and convincing. Your writing is pretty natural sounding for the most part, although you do have a couple of odd sounding sentences. You also have some minor grammatical errors and a few word choices that could be improved. Overall, your vocabulary is a bit basic too. I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

thanks for your comment,sir! I really apreciate!