The less creation of children

I’m Phuong, Quang’s sister, would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The rapid growth of the economy of today’s world is attributed to many breakthroughs in technology. It cannot be denied that the development of technology has brought a multitude of application in real life and thus many issues have been solved readily thanks to advanced technology. Many people these days are more likely to permit their children to interact with high-tech devices because of their benefits and conveniences. However, personally, I believe that such development has hindered the creativity of children, therefore they are less creative than they were in the past.

First and foremost, children nowadays are more passive in brainstorming due to the fact that technology has done everything for them. In other words, children in previous generations did many things on their own due to the shortage of advanced technology. In fact, this shortage has made children in the past more creative because they had to think and come up ideas in order to deal with every problem. The way they think accidentally made them master their creativity. In contrast, today children tend to rely on devices and they are less active in thinking and brainstorming.

Secondly, children not only depend on technology to solve problems, but they are also attracted by this irresistible thing. Indeed, since the advent of technology, people can see that every child spends almost of their time on the screen and they are separated from outside activities. Meanwhile, children in the past often use their time effectively by engaging many outdoor activities such as sports, social work, and extra exercises. Considering a child who spends time on the device and another one who spends time on other activities, it can be sure that the later child will be absolutely more active in creativeness because such activities require them to think and brainstorm.

In conclusion, the development of technology has inhibited the development of children’s creativity. First, children are lazy in being creative; second, they are prevented from creative activities because of technology. Hence, adults must know these drawbacks and control the way children use high-tech devices in order to maximize the benefits of technology.

TOEFL listening lectures: Who are not included as members of the Underground Railroad?

Hi Phuong, this essay is really good, your writing is getting much better.
I like this introduction format much more than some of your previous essays.
You have some good reasons to support your arguments, but including specific,
detailed examples would be very helpful. Your vocabulary is fairly complex,
but you have used a few words incorrectly and you have a few mistakes in your verb tenses. By the way, your title doesn’t really make much sense - “the less creation of children” - creation is much different than creativity. Here are some other suggestions: