The advantages of computers

[PhuongDu]

Would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? Thank you very much.

Topic: Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and stressful. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The computer is one of the greatest inventions of all times. Nowadays, some people believe that computers provide easier and more convenient lives for them. In their opinion, computers help them surf internet and share information. They may communicate directly by mail. But others hold that computers have made life more complex and stressful and they point out that computers bring many bad effects to human beings, such as information security problem because of hacking attack and environmental pollution because of irradiation. As far as I concerned, I prefer the first opinion rather than the second view.

First and foremost, computer enhances communication and availability of information. Networking, especially with full access to the web, allows ways of communication that would simply be impossible before it was developed. Instant messaging can now allow users to talk in real time and send files to other people wherever they are in the world, which is a huge boon for businesses. Also, it allows access to a vast amount of useful information, including traditional reference materials and timely facts, such as news and current events.

Secondly, the news on the Internet is being broadcasted 24 hours every day and tailored to your specific interests. You can always connect your telephone and modem with a computer to read them. Listening to radio or watching television can be informed with what are happening around you conveniently too, but just on the computer can you easily read the specific news in which you are interested without having to buy newspapers. So, up to now, it is the most convenient way to read news at home.

Last but not least, some may argue that it lacks independence. Computer networking involves a process that is operated using computers, so people will be relying more of computer work, instead of exerting an effort for their tasks at hand. Aside from this, they will be dependent on the main file server, which means that, if it breaks down, the system would become useless, making users idle.

To sum up briefly, some people think that computers have made life complex and stressful. They may not be very familiar with computers or do not know how to work with a computer efficiently. It does not matter. Only after a few weeks of training, they can probably easily enjoy the convenience of computers in socializing, reading news and doing research job.

[Luschen]

Hi Phuong Du, I think your essay is very clear and you have given several advantages of computers. I wonder if a different format might have been more effective for this prompt though. You really only covered the first half of the prompt. I would suggest that you combine what you have written here into one paragraph showing how computers make our lives easier, and then add another paragraph where you talk about the second half of the prompt and argue that computers actually make our lives simpler and less stressful. That way it would be more clear that you agree with the first viewpoint and disagree with the second viewpoint.
Also, I would avoid talking too much about specific examples in the introduction.
You can summarize your reasons in your thesis statement, but I would wait to mention specifics like email and hacking until your body paragraphs. Here are some other suggestions:

@PhuongDu

The computer is one of the greatest inventions of all times. Nowadays, some people believe that computers provide easier and more convenient lives for them.{a convenient life sounds odd - even “make your life more convenient” doesn’t really make sense: Toefl study group - #18 by Luschen } In their opinion, computers help them surf [the] internet and share information. They may communicate directly by mail. [Yet] {avoid beginning sentences with “and” or “but”} others hold that computers have made life more complex and stressful and they point out that computers bring many bad effects to human beings, such as information security [problems] because of hacking [attacks] and environmental pollution because of irradiation. As far as I [am] concerned, I prefer the first opinion rather than the second view. {try to state exactly what you prefer - what is the “first opinion” here?}

First and foremost, [computers enhance communication and [the] availability of information. Networking, especially with full access to the web, allows ways of communication that would simply [have been] impossible before [computers were] developed. Instant messaging can now allow users to talk in real time and send files to other people wherever they are in the world, which is a huge boon for businesses. Also, [browsing the internet through a computer] allows access to a vast amount of useful information, including traditional reference materials and timely facts, such as news and current events.

Secondly, the news on the Internet is being broadcasted 24 hours every day and tailored to your specific interests. You can always connect your telephone and modem with a computer {“connect your phone with a computer” is unclear here - what do you mean?} to read them. [By] Listening to radio or watching television [you] can be informed with what [is] happening around you conveniently too, but [only] on the computer can you easily read the specific news in which you are interested without having to buy newspapers. So, up to now, {“up to now” implies that this is about to change} it [has been] the most convenient way to read news at home.

Last but not least, some may argue that it lacks independence. {this sounds odd - “it” refers to computers right? So are you saying that computers do not yet have artificial intelligence and so cannot act independently?} Computer networking involves a process that is operated using computers, {this sounds very banal - of course computer networks involve computers, your point is unclear }so people will be relying more [on] computer work, instead of exerting an effort for their tasks at hand. Aside from this, they will be dependent on the main file server, which means that, if it breaks down, the system would become useless, making users idle. {I am not sure what the main file server is - aren’t servers usually integrated into a distributed network with backups? Maybe its better to say if your computer crashes you are dead in the water until you can get it fixed.}

To sum up briefly, some people think that computers have made life complex and stressful. They may not be very familiar with computers or do not know how to work with a computer efficiently. It does not matter. Only after [only] a few weeks of training, they can probably easily enjoy the convenience of computers in socializing, reading news and doing research job.