thank you~independent writing--Advertising->eating unhealthy eating habits?

topic:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

my essay:
Nowadays many people have developed unhealthy eating habits. The reasons are various, including advertising. But advertising is definitely not the most important one.

Indeed, some food advertisements exaggerate the nutrition of the food, or invent some superstars to be advertising spokesperson which attract the stars’ fans to buy the food. I’ve seen an advertisement of mineral water on TV, which says their water is from a nature lake free of pollution, with some healthy mineral salt. After this TV advertisement is broadcast, since the advertising spokesman is a popular singer, a lot of young people who like the singer have bought the water of this brand. However, the quality control bureau made their research on the water open, which said that the natural lake actually contains much contamination. Customers said that they have been cheated by the advertisement. Considerable the effect of the advertisement is, it cannot compete with the influence of people’s life style when pressure and price are taken in to account.

I believe, the living tempo is in fact the principal reason of unhealthy eating habits, which is increasingly fast so that people have to shorten their time cooking, choosing what to eat and eating, in order to spend the saved time on working or studying. Thus fast food becomes popular since it saves time. People do not care fast food is junk food; they care whether they could finish their tasks on time and if they could accomplish their work better than others. It is common that one forgets his lunch time and keeps working until midnight. Irregular eating time and junk food make the eating habit of modern people extremely unhealthy. Even some people have no time watching TV or newspapers, so they don’t know about advertisements. How do those advertisements have any effect on them? Only when people are aware of that they are earning money in exchange of their health and stop this terrible process will they

Finally, the price of healthy food is usually high, so people may choose unhealthy food just because of the price. Once in supermarket I saw that eggs are much more expensive that are laid by chicken which are not injected with hormone than those laid by chicken with hormone injections. Although we know that the expensive eggs are healthier, we still chose the cheaper eggs since the price is too high to purchase. Capable of affording healthy food are those people who own lots of money. If food manufactures produce food with more attention to people’s wholesomeness, there would be more healthy food that can be purchased by common people.

All in all, there are lots of reasons that led people develop unhealthy habit, of course, including advertisement. From my perspective, the most important one is that we have less time on preparing eating and think little about it.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

Mylikes723,

Good job with this essay! You have three distinct sections and you stick to the point. I like that.
One way to improve this essay is to include all the reasons in the thesis statement:

Nowadays, many people have developed unhealthy eating habits. Advertising is one of the main causes, but not the most important one. The two causes that are more important are the fast living tempo and the high price of quality food.

Also, in the section about the living tempo you include two sentences about advertisement:

I believe, the living tempo is in fact the principal reason of unhealthy eating habits, which is increasingly fast so that people have to shorten their time cooking, choosing what to eat and eating, in order to spend the saved time on working or studying. Thus fast food becomes popular since it saves time. People do not care fast food is junk food; they care whether they could finish their tasks on time and if they could accomplish their work better than others. It is common that one forgets his lunch time and keeps working until midnight. Irregular eating time and junk food make the eating habit of modern people extremely unhealthy. Even some people have no time watching TV or newspapers, so they don’t know about advertisements. How do those advertisements have any effect on them? Only when people are aware of that they are earning money in exchange of their health and stop this terrible process will they

These sentences don’t belong in this section because advertisement has a section of its own - the first one:

Indeed, some food advertisements exaggerate the nutrition of the food, or invent some superstars to be advertising spokesperson which attract the stars’ fans to buy the food. I’ve seen an advertisement of mineral water on TV, which says their water is from a nature lake free of pollution, with some healthy mineral salt. After this TV advertisement is broadcast, since the advertising spokesman is a popular singer, a lot of young people who like the singer have bought the water of this brand. However, the quality control bureau made their research on the water open, which said that the natural lake actually contains much contamination. Customers said that they have been cheated by the advertisement. Considerable the effect of the advertisement is, it cannot compete with the influence of people’s life style when pressure and price are taken in to account. But advertising is not the most important cause of people’s bad eating habits because some people don’t even have the time to watch TV and are not exposed to all the advertising.

This way you keep everything in its place and have a natural transition.

Hope this helps,

Phil