Television with advantages and disadvantages for children

[Tuyet89]

Everything hasd both sides: advantages and disavantages. If the users of television are clever and smart. They will make use of this television to get and learn a lot of new things and vice versus. Some people even can get nothing from television but distatch to a lot of bad habits. And clearly children who are in the age of development will be influenced of this kind of media.

    First of all, television is one of the most popular kinds of media. If the children are studious and hard- working, they will gain a lot of knowledge through programmes that they have watched. For example, on TV there are many channels which children can choose anyone they like best and they are passioned on. It is very easy to get the target or purpose of the programmes to enrich their  understanding about the world and something that they are really interested in. Let's consider the following instances  such as a wild animal program will bring  a lot of understanding for children about habitats and eating habits of these of kind animals, especially, some are in danger that really need protecting to raise the awareness of saveing endangered species. Or some like math can learn some structures and methods to deal with math excercises through a study channel on TV. In thiss aspect, I strongly support using television to broaden children's knowledge.

    Besides the advangtages, there are some disadvantages that children may face if they are keen on watching Tv a lot. Speding much time watching Tv is not good for them. In some cases, it also bring bad effects. I am sure that they will get into trouble because they are wasting their precious time which they should spend studying or doing some valuable parts. Watching TV too much they will havee trouble with their metal health. They ccould not think and do anything as well as others who do  not watch TV to much. Since I know that television has a kind of radia that may make our brain less flexible.  Some palyed games all day that make them addicted to and have no chance to stop playing it. The study result is bad, the concentration on others iss not so good. So I advice all young chidren should not speand much time in front of TV.

        As I  have mentioned above If  the children are clever and smart enough, they will not get any trouble of using TV as a kind of entertaiment that not only  helps them to relax after a long  time of studying hard but also a precious chance to boost their awareness about something surrounding them without getting into trouble of over using it.

[Luschen]

Hi Tuyet, I think you have done a good job of following the prompt type, as you have given good examples of both the advantages and disadvantages of TV on children. You seemed to have a lot of awkward and confusing sentences in this one though.
Try to keep your sentences a little more simple in structure and I think that will help your writing to be more clear. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Tuyet89

Every [issue has two] sides: advantages and [disadvantages]. If the users of television are clever and smart[, they] will make use of [it] to get {“gather” sounds better here} and learn a lot of new things {avoid using “things” - here you could say “facts”} and vice [versa]. [On the other hand, other] Some people even can get nothing from television [and it can even lead] but distatch to a lot of bad habits. And clearly children who are in the age of development will be influenced of this kind of media. {this essay doesn’t really have a clear thesis statement. When you use “and” like this, it sounds like you are making an additional point, but children need to be the center of the focus of your thesis statement and your essay as a whole}

First of all, television is one of the most popular kinds of media. {This is not a very effective topic sentence. For this type of prompt, one paragraph should give the advantages of television for children and the second paragraph should state the disadvantages. So for this paragraph, the topic sentence should say something like “television can have many advantages for children”} If the children are studious and hard- working, they will gain a lot of knowledge through programmes that they have watched. For example, on TV there are many channels [from] which children can choose [any one] they like best and [meshes with their passions]. {although kids may like violent cartoons and their passion may be hitting their sister! } It is very easy to get the target or purpose of the programmes [find a programme whose goal is to] to enrich [children’s] understanding about the world and [is about a topic] something that [kids] are really interested in. [Let us] {avoid contractions in formal essays} consider the following instances[,] such as a wild animal program [that] will bring a lot of understanding for children about [the] habitats and eating habits of these {you didn’t really mention a type of animal, so “these” sounds odd} [various kinds of] animals, especially, ~some are~~ [those] in danger that really need protecting to raise the awareness of [saving] endangered species. {this sentence is too long and disjointed - I would split it up into two or three shorter sentences} Or {avoid beginning sentences with “and” or “or” - many graders feel conjunctions should not be used to begin sentences} [Likewise,] some [youngsters who] like math can learn some structures and methods to deal with math [exercises] through a study channel on TV. In [this] aspect, I strongly support using television to broaden children’s knowledge.

Besides {“besides” is best use to add additional information. Here I would suggest using a contrast type of transition - maybe “In contrast to these advantages …” or “In spite of these advantages …”} the [advantages], there are some disadvantages that children may face if they are keen on watching [TV] a lot. [Spending] much time {“much time” sounds odd, because it is almost always used either in the negative - “I don’t spend much time” or with too “I spend too much time” - try something like “many hours” or “hours and hours”} watching Tv is not good for them. In some cases, it also bring bad effects. {this sounds odd because “not good for them” and “bring bad effects” seems like the same thing, so why use “also”? } I am sure [young people who watch too much TV] they will get into trouble because they are wasting their precious time which they should spend {“which should be spent” sounds better here and gets rid of the repetitive “they”} studying or doing some valuable [activities]. [By] Watching TV too much they will [have] trouble with their [mental] health. They [will not be able to] think and do [mental tasks] as well as others who do not watch TV [too] much. Since I know that [This is because] television has a kind of radia {this doesn’t make sense - do you mean “radiation”?} that may make our brain less flexible. Some [youth play] games all day[, which makes] them addicted[so that they cannot stop playing] to and have no chance to stop playing it. The study result is bad, the concentration on others iss not so good. {this sounds confusing, like you are talking about a scientific study - maybe “Their schoolwork will suffer and they will have trouble concentrating”} So I [advise] all young chidren [to] not speand much time in front of [the] TV.

As I have mentioned above[,] If the children are clever and smart enough, they will not get [into] any trouble [by] using TV as a kind of [entertainment] that not only helps them to relax after a long time of studying hard but also a precious chance to boost their awareness about something surrounding them without getting into trouble of over using it. {once again, this sentence is too long and cumbersome. I would try to split it up into shorter sections}