Teenagers who have jobs

[Mahdi]

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea.Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

As societies develop, requirement to labours are increasing in different countries. Therefore, in some countries students work at different jobs.Some times it is said that the immense amount of work forces brings economic groth to the countries. Although this obsevation might hold some truth , it ignores the fact that working under the age of eighteen have lots of mental problems on children. Moreover it has negative effects on their learning process in school.

To begin with, I believe that children who start to work have often inconvenient jobs. Many children who work under the age of eighteen come from broken homes who their parents had bitter and messy divorce. In fact, they have lots of problems before they start to work. Not only did not experience a friendly situation in their home, but also they should start to work when they need themselves for their parents’ help. Moreover, they cannot have a good salary due to the fact that their jobs are not a good job. To that end, they are from the poor that governments should help them.

Apart from the point that I made above, A child who start to work will not have enough time to study perfectly. Consider the situation in which he has a test and he should work. Working lots of hours outside home has bored him and after passing traffic jams on crowded and bustling streets When he arrives home he is fatigued and should sleep. To that end, he will fail the test and cannot pass it. On the other hand, other children in school have enough time to study and do their assignments. Thus, I feel that children who are in middle school or high-school should not work and working in these ages will negatively affect on their learning process.

All things considered, although working in an office, a company, or a plant is a good experience, it should happen when one has passed his juvenile .However working under the age of eighteen have many disadvantages on children.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History

[Luschen]

Hi Mahdi, this essay seemed pretty weak. Your introduction seemed a little choppy.
You introduced the topic by stressing the effect of children’s jobs on the economy,
but that might not be the best angle. I would focus more on the students and their families and the reasons why they might work. Your first body paragraph was not very convincing. You say that most children who start to work already have a lot of problems, but you don’t show why working would increase these problems. It seems like these kids may be forced to work, but you don’t really give any solutions besides saying the government should help. Your second body paragraph was better I think, but your writing in this one does not seem that natural and your vocabulary is pretty basic. Here are some specific comments:

@Mahdi

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea.Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

As societies develop, requirement[s for laborers] are increasing in different countries. Therefore, in some countries students work at different jobs. [Sometimes] it is said that the immense amount of work forces brings economic [growth] to the countries. {these three sentences all sound a little bit awkward} Although this [observation] might hold some truth , it ignores the fact that working under the age of eighteen [causes] lots of mental problems [in] children. Moreover it has negative effects on their learning process in school.

To begin with, I believe that children who start to work have often inconvenient {“inconvenient” is a little unclear here - I guess it would mean jobs in locations or at times that are hard for them to get to, but I don’t think that is what you are saying} jobs. Many children who work under the age of eighteen come from broken homes [and whose] who their parents had bitter and messy [divorces]. In fact, they have lots of problems before they start to work. Not only did [they] not experience a friendly situation in their home, but also they should start to work when they need themselves for their parents’ help. {this sentence is confusing and unclear to me} Moreover, they cannot have a good salary due to the fact that their jobs are not [good ones] a good job. To that end, they are from the poor that governments should help them. {this sentence is confusing - I guess you mean “they are poor, so the government should help them”?}

Apart from the point that I made above, A child who [starts] to work will not have enough time to study perfectly. Consider the situation in which he has a test and he [must] should work. Working lots of hours outside home has bored him and after passing traffic jams on crowded and bustling streets {this “after passing … streets” is not complete - after passing , then what?} When he arrives home he is fatigued and should sleep. To that end, he will fail the test and cannot pass it. On the other hand, other children in school have enough time to study and do their assignments. Thus, I feel that children who are in middle school or high-school should not work[, since] and working in [at] these ages will negatively affect on their learning process.

All things considered, although working in an office, a company, or a plant is a good experience, it should happen when one has passed his [childhood] juvenile .However working under the age of eighteen h[as] many disadvantages [for] children.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History