Task 2 - to have children later in life

[treecbeo]

Hi Luschen, thank you for your previous comments on my works. This is my latest one. Please have a look at it. Thank you and have a nice day!!!
Topic:
Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?
Answer:
In recent years, many young people refuse to become mothers or fathers as soon as older generation did in the past. This come with variety of reasons and contribute to some positive changes in our society and future families.

Firstly, people want to concentrate on their career path in order to build a strong foundation for their kids in the future. This means that in spite of being busy with both earning money and taking care of children at once, they choose to focus on one thing at a time. Thanks to that, their children will be well-prepared before coming to life. Secondly, some people claim that they want to extend their free life to explore the world before being attached to a family. These people usually own an adventurous personality and appreciate an independent life. For example, a tour guide at age 35 said that if she had a child, she would have to change her interesting job to another stable one, which seems so difficult for her at the moment.

This trend of life style will bring some positive effects for our society. Employees will be more productive because there will be no barrier bother them working towards their own targets. Besides, they also have time to take part in many community activities outside the office such as becoming a volunteer teacher or organizing a regular science club. This will lead to the result that after having children, these people not only tend to spend more time to raise their kids but also have more interesting experiences to share with them than the younger one.

In conclusion, people todays choose to have children later in life in order to achieve the best times for both themselves and their future children. Besides, this also contributes some clear benefits to improve our society.

[Luschen]

Hi Lăn Long Lóc, thanks for your patience. I am on a little trip and haven’t had much time to check essays. I think your writing is very good here, but I am a bit concerned that you only gave advantages of postponing parenthood. The prompt does not ask for advantages, it asks for effects, so it might be better to give a mix of positive and negative effects - maybe two of each. Some negative effects are increased risk of birth defects for babies born to older mothers. Also, older parents may lack the stamina required to take care of active toddlers and to join them in play and games. Still, your essay is extremely well organized and easy to follow. You do have some word choices that sound a bit unnatural. Here are some specific suggestions:

@treecbeo

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?
Answer:
In recent years, many young people refuse to become mothers or fathers as soon {this phrasing sounds odd - “refuse to become mothers” - better to say “choose to postpone becoming mothers or fathers”} as older [generations] did in the past. This [trend comes from a] variety of reasons and [contributes] to some positive changes in our society and future families. {it might be better to be more objective and give one positive change and one negative change}

Firstly, people want to concentrate on their career path in order to build a strong foundation for their kids in the future. This means that [instead] {“in spite” means they do it anyway} of being busy with both earning money and taking care of children at once, they choose to focus on one thing at a time. Thanks to that, their children will be well-prepared before coming to life. {this sounds odd - how can you be well prepared before you even exist? maybe say the family will be well prepared before adding children into their lives] Secondly, some people claim that they want to extend their free life {“free life” is not really correct - maybe “extend this independent stage of life” or “want to enjoy their freedom to …”} to explore the world before being attached to a family. These people usually own an adventurous personality and appreciate an independent life. For example, a tour guide at age 35 said that if she had a child, she would have to change her interesting job to [a more] stable one, which seems so difficult for her at the moment.

This trend of life style {“this lifestyle trend” is better here} will bring some positive effects for our society. [First,] {or some similar transition} Employees will be more productive because there will be no barrier [to ] bother them [in] working {“bother” is a bit odd in this content - maybe “interfere” is better} towards their own targets. Besides, they also have time to take part in many community activities outside the office such as becoming a volunteer teacher or organizing a regular science club. This will lead to the result that after having children, these people [will] not only tend to spend more time to raise {“in raising” sounds better here} their kids but [will] also have more interesting experiences to share with them than the younger [parents].

In conclusion, people[ today] choose to have children later in life in order to achieve the best times {“best times” sounds a bit odd - maybe “best chance of success/fulfillment”} for both themselves and their future children. Besides, {“besides” here sounds a bit odd - “besides” is used to give an additional reason. Maybe “furthermore”} this also contributes some clear benefits to improve our society.