story writing

I wish to write short stories for children. i have several ideas to start with. however being new i wish to post excerpts from my writing for the forum members who care to read and correct me so that i can improve on my skills. a small sample is given below:

neha and dhruv were playmates. while neha was 3 years old dhruv was 4. they were neighbors and their houses were separated by just one floor. this was indeed a providential circumstance as in no other condition would they have found it so easy to interract. their families knew each other fairly well and the children found it the most natural thing to land up in each others house as soon as the prospect of getting bored loomed itself.

thank you vary much

Hello Nidhika and welcome to the forums.
I am used to books for children written in English by English native speakers for English native speakers, so perhaps I am simply not used to the more formal style of your story, but your sample seems quite ‘dry’ for children. I know this is only an introduction but you use very grown up language and patterns. Is this typical of the style of children’s stories in your country?
Your main characters are very young so what age is your intended audience? If this were a British children’s book, with young characters such as these I would expect the book to be intended for young children. However the language makes me think of much older children of ten and eleven.

Leaving aside the style, with regard to the sample’s grammar and punctuation, ‘interact’ is spelled incorrectly, but the most basic problem is that all the capital letters are missing.

Thanks a lot for your response. This was my first post ever on any e-forum and am delighted to see your comments.

This short story is intended for Indian audience and I realise now that the language is too mature and as you rightly say ‘dry’. I will do some work before posting another sample.

warm regards,

I’m glad you feel the feedback was helpful.
Before writing, I suggest you read as many stories for children as you can… particularly the stories which are proving popular with the younger readers.