sports professionals can earn more money -essay

Hi,
Wiuld you please let me know where I m wrong.
Thanks,
Tara

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions can. Some people think this fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that in recent years because of media affection professional sportsman became renowned all over the world and living luxury lives with majestic houses and lots of brand cars. There are a variety of different opinions on whether or not the earned money by them is justified or unfair.
On the one hand, it is undeniable fact that professional athletes earn money even more than well-known surgeons and scientists who impact society in positive way or even political leaders who lead a government without any time to get off. Also, teachers who foster our children and consequently are making the future of country living their lives by low incomes. In fact, I contend that many athletes earned are not in consisting of their impression on society.

On the other hand, it is interested to note that some talents are very special and very rare to find. Moreover, what a successful athlete earn is the result of hard exercise in decades. Thirdly, the competitions hold day by day and the athletes experience a very short time of being champion, furthermore we cannot deny the influence of champion to encourage people to do sport which positively impact their healthiness.
By the way of conclusion, of course the earned money by athletes is high but it is more justified than the earned money by superstars.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university professors

Hi Tara, it seems like a sentence from the prompt might be missing, but I am pretty sure with this type of prompt they want you to chose one side or the other and defend that side, instead of addressing both sides, as you have done in this essay. Your writing is pretty clear, but you do have quite a few awkward sounding phrases and some incorrect word choices. Here are some specific suggestions: