sports and social activities are just as important as classes.

[Hicklinhappy]

Qn:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When it comes to the issue that sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and need to receive equal financial support at universities and colleges, different people hold different views. If I were faced with this question, I would probably say that I agree this issue. In the following discussion, I would like to provide some evidences to support my point of view.

In the first argument, there is a reason for me to consider the opinion. The reason is that many students can improve their communicating skills and have good health by doing exercise and joining social activities. For example, some students take advantage of their favorite sports, so they participate the school teams of sport and can learn professional sport technique. If they get good grades, they would have senses of achievement. On the other hand, students can meet a lot of people in the social activities where they share something interesting or different ideas from their life and culture to each other. There is no other example can explain my idea better than this.

Some people will consider that sport and social activities are not crucial than classes and libraries,they think that students should spend most of their time on studying. However, we should not conclude that students only focus their study,but they ignore their physical exercise and social activities. Because some students get good grades on their studies, they do not know how to relax their body and to talk with other people.

Another head and chief reason that I have chosen to put here is that schools should give the same budget on the sports and social activities.For instance, some students do well on certain sport field, and they can get scholarship from school. They are encouraged to compete with other schools’ teams, and schools have good reputation in the worldwide.Besides, sponsoring the social activity is good for students to hold many large scale activities ,even then they invite famous people to their school and give significant presentations. Therefore, I agree school should give financial support to sports and social activities as same as the class and libraries.

To sum up, on the basis of the reasons presented above, which correlate with each other to generate an integrated whole and thus become more convincing than any single one oft hem, we may have no doubt to believe that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receiver equal financial support in the universities and colleges.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university advisor

[Luschen]

Hi Hicklinhappy, welcome to the forum. I thought your writing was pretty good and you addressed the topic correctly, but your essay was not very convincing to me. You have a good format, but make sure your topic sentences provide a specific reason supporting your opinion. Also, your exact opinion on the issue was not really made clear to me in your thesis or topic sentences. Your arguments were ok, but they seemed a little scattered and disorganized. Also, you didn’t really address the financial aspect. Even if sports and social activities are important, where will the money spent go to? Can’t they be done just as well with a limited budget? If not, explain why. Overall, I would rate this a 3 out of 5.

@Hicklinhappy

Qn:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

When it comes to the issue that [of whether] sports and social activities are as important as classes and libraries and need to receive equal financial support at universities and colleges, different people hold different views.{this seems banal and formulaic} If I were faced with this question, I would probably say that I agree this issue.{this is incorrect and unclear - which side of the issue do you agree with?} In the following discussion, I would like to provide some evidences to support my point of view.{this sentence is not necessary, I wouldn’t include it}

In [As] the first argument, there is a reason for me to consider the opinion. {which opinion? your topic sentence needs to give the reason supporting your argument} The reason is that many students can improve their communicat[ion] skills and have{“maintain” is better} good health by doing exercise and joining social activities. For example, some students take advantage of their favorite sports,{“take advantage of their sports” sounds odd and unnatural} so they participate [in] the school [sports] teams of sport and can learn professional sport technique[s ]. If they get good grades, they would have senses of achievement. {this sentence does not seem to belong here - what does it have to do with sports and social activities?} On the other hand, {this transition is not correct here, since you are adding additional information, not contrasting or contradicting your previous example} students can meet a lot of people in the social activities where they share something interesting or different ideas from their life and culture to[with] each other. There is no other example [that] can explain my idea better than this.

Some people will consider that sport and social activities are not [more] crucial than classes and libraries[; ]they think that students should spend most of their time on studying. However, we should not conclude that students [should] only focus [on] their study,but they ignore their physical exercise and social activities. Because some students get good grades on their studies, they do not know how to relax their body and to talk with other people. {why would good grades make it hard to relax?}

Another head and chief reason that I have chosen to put here {“chosen to put here” sounds odd and too informal here} is that schools should give the same budget [to] on the sports and social activities. {you did not include a reason here} For instance, some students do well on certain sport field,{this is unclear, as “field” can mean where the sport is played, which is not what you mean} and they can get scholarship[s ] from school[s ]. They are encouraged to compete with other schools’ teams, and schools have good reputation in the worldwide.Besides, sponsoring the social activity is good[, allowing] for students to hold many large scale activities ,even then they invit[ing] famous people to their school and[who] give significant presentations. Therefore, I agree school should give [the same] financial support to sports and social activities as same as [to] the class and libraries.

To sum up, on the basis of the reasons presented above, which correlate with each other to generate an integrated whole and thus become more convincing than any single one of them, {this sounds pretty stilted and awkward} we may have no doubt to believe that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receiv[e ] equal financial support in the universities and colleges.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university advisor

[Hicklinhappy]

Thank you for your advice on my essay, and I have learned a lot from your revising. I will keep those suggestion in mind.

[Beeesneees]

TITLE EDITED.
Please help everyone to make the most of this forum and its resources by giving your threads meaningful and relevant subject lines.

[Hicklinhappy]

Hello, teacher Luschen. I have rewritten my essay. Could you give me some advice on it? Thank you very much.

When it comes to the issue of whether sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges. Although sports and social activities are important parts of education, classes and libraries are fundamental in the school. Every student can not study without them and they need a lot of financial support to maintain up-to-date technology, to keep new books and magazines on the shelves, and to hire best teachers and staffs. I have developed my own opinion as well. There are some reasons why I disagree that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges.

Needing up-to-date facilities in the class and libraries is probably the primary reason.
For example, Students need computerized programs and large Internet research database center. It costs money to have these facilities, but they are fundamental to education. If a university give resources of a decade ago, student would not keep the new information on their studies and researches.

Another reason for my position is that libraries should maintain their books and magazines. Even though, students usually get information from computer and the Internet, the reference books or some valuable books are needed to renew and transform them into electric files to store in the computer. Furthermore, universities and colleges also provide the e-books to their student. Again, it requires money.

Finally, in order to keep good reputation and be competitive around world, the universities and colleges need to hire well –educated and excellent people on their researches, so they have to able to pay good salaries. This may attract a lot of top students from different countries to have strong will to study in the universities and colleges. Besides, libraries invite some famous scholars who give speech to students if they have enough budget.

To sum up, on the basis of the reasons presented above.Sports and social activities are secondary to be considered I may have no doubt that sports and social activities are not just as important as classes and libraries and not should receive equal financial support in the universities and colleges.

[Luschen]

Hi Hicklinhappy, I thought this was an improvement, but I still have some suggestions - please see them below.

@Hicklinhappy

Hello, teacher Luschen. I have rewritten my essay. Could you give me some advice on it? Thank you very much.

When it comes to the issue of whether sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges. {this is not a complete sentence} Although sports and social activities are important parts of education, classes and libraries are fundamental in [to] the school. Every student can not [No student can] study without them and they need a lot of financial support to maintain up-to-date technology, to keep new books and magazines on the shelves, and to hire best teachers and staffs. I have developed my own opinion as well.{this sentence sounds a bit odd here - just clearly state your opinion} There are some reasons why I disagree that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges.

Needing {“The need for” is better ere} up-to-date facilities in the class[rooms] and libraries is probably the primary reason. {reason for what? try to reference the prompt in each topic sentence}
For example, [ s]tudents need computerized programs and [a ]large Internet research database center. It costs money to have these facilities, but they are fundamental to education. If a university give[only provided the] resources of a decade ago, student[s ] would not keep [up with] the new information on[necessary for] their studies and researches.

Another reason for my position is that libraries should maintain their books and magazines. Even though, {no comma here} students usually get information from computer and the Internet, the reference books or some[other] valuable books are needed to [be] renew[ed] and transform[ed] them into electric files to store in the computer. Furthermore, universities and colleges also provide the e-books to their student. Again, it requires money.

Finally, in order to keep{“maintain” sounds better here} [a ]good reputation and be competitive around world, the universities and colleges need to hire well –educated and excellent people on their researches, {“on their research” is unclear - do you mean “based on the quality of their research”?} so they have to able to pay good salaries. This may attract {make it clear that the high salaries attract professors, who in turn attract the students - here it sounds a little like you are paying the students} a lot of top students from different countries to have strong will {“to have a strong will” sounds a bit unnatural here} to study in the universities and colleges. Besides, libraries invite some famous scholars who give speech[es] to students if they have [a large] enough budget.

To sum up, on the basis of the reasons presented above[, s]ports and social activities [should be considered secondary] are secondary to be considered I may have no doubt that sports and social activities are not just as important as classes and libraries and not should receive equal financial support in the universities and colleges.

[Hicklinhappy]

Hello, teacher Luschen. I rewrote it again. Could you help me revise it ? Thanks a lot.

When it comes to the issue of whether sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges. [color=red]I would consider that sports and social activities are not crucial as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges. Although sports and social activities are important parts of education, classes and libraries are fundamental to the school. [color=red]No student can study without them and they need a lot of financial support to maintain up-to-date technology, to keep new books and magazines on the shelves, and to hire best teachers and staffs. There are some reasons why I disagree that sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support at universities and colleges.

[color=red]The need for up-to-date facilities in the classrooms and libraries is probably the primary reason. [color=red]Students use the newest tools to acquire new information and knowledge quickly. For example, [color=red]students need computerized programs and [color=red]a large Internet research database center. It costs money to have these facilities, but they are fundamental to education. If a university [color=red]only provided the resources of a decade ago,[color=red]students would not keep up with the new information [color=red]on necessary for their studies and researches.

Another reason for my position is that libraries should maintain their books and magazines. [color=red]Even though students usually get information from computer and the Internet, the reference books or [color=red]some other valuable books are needed to [color=red]be renewed and [color=red]transformed them into electric files to store in the computer. Furthermore, universities and colleges also provide the e-books to their student. Again, it requires money.

Finally, in order to[color=red] maintain a good reputation and be competitive around world, the universities and colleges need to hire well –educated and excellent people [color=red]based on the quality of research, so they have to able to pay good salaries. [color=red]The universities and colleges may attract a lot of top students from different countries to study abroad. Besides, libraries invite some famous scholars who give[color=red] speeches to students if they have[color=red] a large enough budget.

To sum up, on the basis of the reasons presented above, [color=red]sports and social activities[color=red] should be considered secondary. I may have no doubt that sports and social activities are not just as important as classes and libraries and not should receive equal financial support in the universities and colleges.