SOS! About iBT writing rubrics(and please help me revise my essay and grade it)

It is very difficult to evaluate my own essay though I have read the writing rubrics thoroughly. I know how to revise and improve it. But the thing is I really want to know what the score off my essay that is written in limited time. SO please help me out here. I would really appreciate some one could point out how can I improve this essay and more importantly, what the score will be?

Students learn ideas and concepts as well as facts at school. Commonly, ideas and concepts are always emphasized by instructors as they are fundamental. However, from my perspective, it is more important for student to learn the facts than understanding the ideas and concepts behind it. I would like to illustrate some important reasons to support my standpoint.

To begin with, facts are easy to learn for students. Facts are often superficial and recognizable. It does not take too many efforts to learn. On top of this, by remembering simple traits of certain fact, such fact can be recalled and identified easily. In this sense, learning facts does not require organizing those facts into categories systematically. As it is, learning facts is indeed most simple and efficient for students.

Next, ideas and concepts can only be thoroughly understood by learning enough facts. Ideas and concepts are the common features or characteristics abstracted from facts. However, as they are abstract, it is very difficult to understand them thoroughly. On the contrary, Facts are simple and oblivious. If the knowledge of facts is accumulated, it would be easier for one to keep track of the common features of related facts. Subsequently, the ideas and concepts behind those facts would be fully understood.

Last but not least, common facts play a more important role in our daily life. People’s daily life is related with different facts. There are different ideas and concepts behind different facts. In contrast, understanding those facts are easier and can be more effectively utilized in daily life. For instance, it is common fact that we should never eat expired products as they could make us sick. So when we are going to eat something, we make sure the food is not expired but few one can tell exactly why expired food could make people sick. Hence, learning facts are more practical in our daily life.

To sum up, the advantages of learning facts far outweigh understanding ideas and concepts. And all ideas and concepts are indeed initially concluded from facts. There is no doubt that for students learning facts are more important.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation about toys

Also, if anyone is looking for materials and stuff, let me know. I have got a ton of iBT related materials…