Would you mind helping me correct the essay about the topic below? This is the first time I have written this type of question of the TOEFL Independent Essay, so I don’t know whether I present correctly.Thank you very much.
Topic: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There has been a heated debate concerning practicing sports of young children. In fact, there is a growing sentiment that puts more emphasis on the importance of spending a great amount of their time practicing sports. At the same time, there is a solid body of opinion that dislikes and says that playing sports too much time has many harmful effects. In my opinion, I think it both have the advantages and the disadvantages.
First and foremost, spending a great amount of time participating in sports has a lot of advantages. Regular physical activity has health benefits. It helps build and maintain skeletal muscle system, control weight and lose fat, prevent or delay the development of high blood pressure. Exercise is one of the least expensive ways to stay healthy. In addition, sports will help children develop, improve cognitive skills and academic achievement, such as enhancing concentration, attention and so on. Sports are an important learning environment for children. They have the opportunity to learn from their successes and failures in sports. Failure motivates children to try harder in the future. Moreover, children’s character and morality are formed when they play sports. They will learn to respect the rules, the rules of the game and respect their teammates and opponents. Teamwork is the most obvious benefit of sports. Children gradually realize their role in a team, which requires efforts and solidarity from all members to succeed.
On the other hand, in addition to the above advantages, it also has disadvantages. In the beginning, most children practice sport without stopping, and as a result they may neglect learning. Without a doubt, young people can excel in sports but not study, even though they would love to do their homework but exhausted bodies may not allow them to do it. This situation offers a passive learning effect. Last but not least, the nature of injury is a terrible feeling in sports. If we look back at sports history, it clearly shows that the majority of athletes were forced to leave sports due to the worst injury. In this case, if this happens to young people, they may lose confidence because it is difficult to find enough strength to exercise after a serious injury.
To sum up, young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports has both advantages and disadvantages. Young children need to balance practicing sports with other work in order to get a good effect from it.