Some young children spend a great amount of their time participating in sports

Some young children spend a great amount of their time participating in sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.
Sport is a useful physical activity we need to consider in our daily life. It is important for young children as well as for adults. Sport means to have strong body and healthy mind. Probably, young children spend a great amount of their time participating in sports that have its advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, young children should spend reasonable time in their favorite sport activities.
The first reason is that sport makes children healthy and physically strong. When children do regularly the physical activities in sport hall they became more resilient against disease. Their muscles work during these exercises that are good for their health. I can add that there are some kinds of diseases that demand to do regularly physical activities such as swimming, biking and so on. By doing exercises children can overcome these diseases and grow healthy.
The second reason is that it is kind of relaxation for children. Young children have different hobbies and having as a hobby one type of sport is admirable. They should not spend their free time on something that is wrong or dangerous for their lives. Sometime young children because of their age and energy could pay attention on different wrong activities as relaxation that can break their life. Instead of doing so, they can choose sport activities as enjoyment for them. In addition, sport activities such as biking, walking, swimming and others could refresh their mind and this condition could help them in their education.
In summary, sport is important in the daily activities of young children. By doing sport exercises they will be healthy and enjoyed from what they have done. When people and as well as young children are satisfied from their daily life, they can do a lot of useful things for themselves and for their families.

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Hi Lilly, your writing is good in this one, but I am afraid you did ot address the prompt correctly. For this type of prompt, they want you to discuss both the advantages AND disadvantages of spending a lot of time on sports. You need to combine your advantages into one paragraph and then discuss the disadvantages in another. Some disadvantages might be not having enough time to do your school work, lack of social time with friends, and stress from trying so hard to succeed in sports.

Dear Luschen,

Thank you for your comments. I try to follow them.

I have one question regarding your amendments. I wrote above …they will be healthy and enjoyed from what they have done… I am wondering whether there is not expression such as to be enjoyed from sth… It is passive infinitive for me here.Please, explain me it. I did not understand this part.

In addition, if I were asked to write only advantages of sports how would you scored it?

Thanks in advance. You are very helpful.

regards,
Lilly

Hi, “will be” needs to be followed by an adjective, so “enjoyed” will not work. I think the expression you are thinking of is “to be enjoyed”, like “Alcoholic drinks are to be enjoyed in moderation.”

I think if the prompt was only about the advantages I would rate it a 4 out of 5.

Also, I may have been too stringent on your use of sport vs sports. In the US we always say for instance “he likes sports” or “he is good at sports” or “sports are a healthy activity”, but I think in the UK “sport” may be used instead. You could ask on the grammar forum if you are interested.

Thank you for your explanation. it helps me.

Dear Luschen,

Could you please, let me know a 4 out of 5 in Writing TOEFL is equal to which score? I mean if I compare it listening and reading scores, a 4 out of 5 is equal to which score?

Thank you in advance.

It corresponds to a 24, but of course it also depends on how you do on the integrated essay portion. Keep in mind that I am not an official grader, although based on feedback I have received from former students, I think my evaluations are pretty close.