Some people work for the same organization all ther working life - IELTS task 2

[Nayara]

Please, correct and rate my essay according to IELTS score

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations

Some people prefer labouring in only one company from their early career until their retirement, while others believe that working for different organizations is a better experience. In my view, each option has its pros and cons, but in overall I think that it is better spend all working life on the same organization.

In te first place, working in different organiations gives you the opportunity of experience diverse ways of performing the same task and getting to know new people. For example, I am a scientist nad some years ago I decided to work with an overseas research group. Although, they performed the same experiments that I used to do in former laboratory, some steps they did slightly different and obtained better results. Therefore, having contact with those people, allowed me to improve my skill. In addition, those people who I got to know there became my research colaborators. Nevertheless, when you start to work in a new organization, you have to adapt to the new rules and routine which is difficult for some people and take a long time.

Next, working for the same company during all your career has a multitude of advantages, for instance you might accumulate benefits and achieve higher positions. People who labour more than for the organization are more likely to be promoted, since they bosses already know how good they are at work. Furthermore, some companies give longer vacation and better salaries to those who have been working for more time.

In conclusion I believe that working for the same organization is better than working for different ones during your working life, since in a long run employees who stay longer in the same company have more advantages and are more likely to achieve more powered positions.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one way that Internet Addiction Disorder affects sleep?

[Luschen]

Hi Nayara, your essay structure was a little confusing. The IELTS is a little different that the TOEFL, since they usually want you to address both sides of the issue. You did this, but it sounded very confusing with a topic sentence immediately after your thesis statement that directly contradicted it. Try to be a little more explicit in leading the reader through your ideas.

@Nayara

Please, correct and rate my essay according to IELTS score

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations

Some people prefer labouring {“laboring” has the connotation of very hard, probably low-skilled work, maybe not exactly what you mean here} in only one company from their early career until their retirement, while others believe that working for different organizations is a better experience. In my view, each option has its pros and cons, but in overall I think that it is better [to] spend all [all of one’s] working life [ i]n the same organization.

In t[he] first place, working in different organiations gives you the opportunity of [to] experience diverse ways of performing the same task and getting to know new people. {this seems to contradict your thesis - I think you need to say something like “it may be true” or another phrase to guide the reader through your thoughts better} For example, I am a scientist nad[and] some years ago I decided to work with an overseas research group. Although, they performed the same experiments that I used to do in [my] former laboratory, some steps they did slightly different[ly] and obtained better results. Therefore, having contact with those people,{no comma here} allowed me to improve my skill. In addition, those people who I got to know there became my research colaborators. Nevertheless, when you start to work in a new organization, you have to adapt to the new rules and routine[,] which is difficult for some people and take[s ] a long time.

Next, working for the same company during all your career {“during your whole career” sounds more natural} has a multitude of advantages, for instance you might accumulate benefits and achieve higher positions. People who labour more than for the organization {this phrase is unclear to me} are more likely to be promoted, since the[ir] bosses already know how good they are at work. {“how proficient they are at their work” is more clear and sounds better} Furthermore, some companies give longer vacation and better salaries to those who have been working for more time.

In conclusion I believe that working for the same organization is better than working for different ones during your working life, since in a long run employees who stay longer in the same company have more advantages and are more likely to achieve more[higher] powered positions.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one way that Internet Addiction Disorder affects sleep?