Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. However, some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming. Discuss about both views and give your own opinion

toefl

#1

Hi guys,

Day by day ive been practicing my essay writing skills since this is my sole weakness. I hope people with extra time could somehow check my work and provide some feedback.

Thank you in advance

Few people have contentious thought whether sports executed as a party have more positive outcome than the ones that requires solitary player.In this essay I will discuss both standpoints and showcase my perception why teams sports are more preferable because of the benefits it offers.

People who believed that playing as a part of a team yields positive results tends to have the following logic. Firstly, playing as a team will improve ones cooperation and coordination skills. Motivated by the same goal, the individual tends to have trust on each others teammates knowing that there is someone that will back you up in any worst case scenario. Secondly, a cryptonite of an individual can be the forte of someone, that is why in a team there is an allocated person for every crucial role, thus team play will be fully maximize since all team members are giving all of their matered talents.

However, people who lean into the thought that sports played as a single entity will be more valuable also have their arguments. To start with, playing a single sport will gradually boost their self confidence, this is due to the fact that they are only relying on their own physical and mental strength. For example, in a chess game, a player would solely focus and give hes very best in order to eradicate the oppositions side.

To infer, variety of sports has its own pros and cons. In spite of that, I believed that playing as a party outwit the merits of a individual sports with its team coordination, cooperation and solidified player roles which makes it more fun and exciting.


#2

Hi Joebet, I am sorry, but this essay was pretty tough to slog through. Some parts sound like they were run through a translation program that is not calibrated quite right. And many very complicated vocabulary words were used incorrectly when a simpler word would have been much more clear and understandable. I think it might be better to strive for simplicity and clarity, and then when you have achieved that, you can move on to adding more complex and challenging words. The point of using complicated terms is actually to make your writing more specific and clear, but here it just seems to muddle everything up. I am sorry, I do not want to discourage you in ny way, but remember the key point is to answer the prompt as effectively as possible. Here are some comments and suggestions:


#3

no worries… i always prefer honest answer so that ill know how to improve myself.

Thanks you :slight_smile:


#4

I think it’s best if, instead of trying to compose essays, you start by writing short, clear sentences without any grammar and spelling errors. This approach might be much more useful and effective than forcing yourself to to create essays that nobody is going to read. Please let me know what you think.


#5

make sense… actually im currently watching videos on how to properly use prepositions.

maybe later ill try to create an essay using simple words that i know rather than using thesaurus to gather synonyms. (im just worried since in IELTS they said I should minimize the use of the same word)

Also i bet my weakness is tenses… i also need to study on this one.

in this forum do we have some sort of pinned post where newbies like me can read it to excel our skills in English?


#6

Well, we have answered this question quite a lot which is why I created www.english-for-winners.com


#7

i see…

does your site provides essay writing evaluation services? primarily im focusing on writing category since its my weakness. reading, speaking and listening have vast resources available free in the web.


#8

As you can see lots of learners post their essays here on the forum to have them evaluated by TJ.


#9

Im sorry im confuse… what do you mean by TJ please…


#10

TJ Luschen is the American who has been helping hundreds of learners from around to world to improve their writing skills: [Writing Task 2]Education


#11

oh yeah salute to this guy!